Here's the link to the contest... but basically it's a chance to have two teens look at YA material and give the 'yah' or 'nay' as to whether it would interest other teens. Pretty cool idea :)
...and here's the links of the two judges (you can hire them to be editors too!)
Now, the first 246 words:
I love your description. This is great! ChristyReplyDelete
Also a fellow campaigner, slow to make the rounds. :0)ReplyDelete
Fellow campaigner here, too. I love your descriptions of the vines with the stones. Beautiful!ReplyDelete
Nice writing and definitely intriguing.ReplyDelete
Beautifully written and it did pull me in. I got a little confused with the drowning bit and the spitting part. It could be only me, since the other commenters didn't mention it. Good luck! <3ReplyDelete
I love it. I was confused a bit near the end, but I'm assuming that it's a common thing in this society and would be easy to catch onto as more was read.ReplyDelete
You write so well! I really like this. :)ReplyDelete
I'm chilled. Spooky!ReplyDelete
I really liked the opening. That was well done. Like Brenda, the warding against drowning was confusing. Maybe add a line of two as to why he would want to ward of drowning, or why it was incomplete.ReplyDelete
Hey, I only had 250 words :)ReplyDelete
...don't worry, the ward against drowning is explained a little later :) On the opening page, I wanted it to be a taste of this world, as well as a very real expression of Simon's fear and determination... after all, he's not doing it for no reason... it's an automatic reaction. I wanted the reader to as *why* and want to turn the page :)
... I want this book. Just saying ;)ReplyDelete
Your description is incredible, I love your style, and I could see myself devouring your writing (figuratively speaking, of course).
Good luck in the contest.
Thanks, RA Desilets :) ...I have a *thing* for beautiful language, so I appreciate the compliment :)ReplyDelete
...if anyone is interested in reading further, I'm posting this story 6 sentences at a time... just click on the 'Six Sentence Sunday' tab at the top of the page to read what's up so far.
WOO! You just made my work day epically better ;)ReplyDelete
A RA DesiletsReplyDelete
...uhm, how? ...by thanking you?
That oath intro has me hooked. I just want to know the ins and outs of this world. After that, I'm eager to know more about the magic system, as well as Simon's motivations, since it's not that normal that a lowly servant gets such personal access to a royal's chamber. This is a very cool start.ReplyDelete
heh heh, there's a twist on that, too ;) Faith isn't actually a princess, that's just what Simon calls her :)
...and there's no magic in this story, it's just set in a fantastical world.
I thought this was beautiful! I would definitely be interested in reading more. :DReplyDelete
The first two paragraphs didn't hook me. It seems like description that at the moment isn't needed. The other two paragraphs did grab me except for the drowning part. That confused me to the point that I had to reread to make sure I didn't miss something, but I have a feeling that will probably be explained later. I really like the set up in the last two paragraphs. I want to know more about the relationship between Simon and Faith.ReplyDelete
I loved the blurb before Chapter 1 started. Totally had be drawn in from the beginning. Great job. The spitting part was a little confusing but I'm sure it will be explained later.ReplyDelete
Very pretty! Reads like the intro to a fairy tale--Like the one that starts off Beauty and the Beast. I agree that the drowning comment confused me, but its so smooth, I would keep reading. I love the vulnerable/savage image of the princess.ReplyDelete
AND just saw this same little section got a VERY good review over at MSFV....:D.ReplyDelete
@ Swift ScribblerReplyDelete
...I seem to get hit or miss on the little *prologue*... either people love the fairy-tale like feel (totally what I was going for) or they completely hate it :)
...though I find it interesting that I've had tons of people read the beginning and this is the first time I'm hearing that the *spitting* bit is confusing...
good to know :)