Progress: exciting & scary

This messy new story is starting to fall into place, in my brain at least, if not yet on the page.

(maybe at the point to write a temporary blurb & throw it up on my website soon)

EDIT: a VERY loose/rough blurb is now on my website. You'll notice there's almost no mention of plot  as I'm not far enough into it to know that yet :p *forever-pantser*


So, where am I at?

Mostly it's the idea(s) behind the story that are coming together. See, every time I start a new story, it's because there was something in the previous story that I wasn't able to fully explore.

And, coming out of TRoRS edits... I've already admitted I was craving a super emotionally messy story/MC because N was so emotionally stunted, and neither of the MC's in SCARLIGHT or AotD were satisfyingly 'messy' enough... (of course I will go back to those stories at a later date).

Other things I'm going to explore:

More on the notion of fluidity in relationships. The boundaries/lines between 'friend' and 'lover', and how/when those lines blur. Like with N from TRoRS, I'm not overly interested in writing a story in which a character 'labels' themselves, instead what I like is a self-identity paradigm shift.*

Another aspect is, I'm building off some long email conversations with a writing buddy about things like vulnerability & power imbalances, something we're both really interested in (hence the obscene length of said email exchanges...). 'Roles' we play in our relationships, ruts we fall into -> especially 'bad' ones we come to accept as 'normal'. Things like consent and emotional manipulation/abuse... so, 'y'know, 'light' topics.

To balance that out, this is also (possibly) the funniest story I've ever written...

And... physical intimacy.  Literally there is more physical intimacy on the first couple pages than in the accumulated total of everything else I've ever written. And this scares the crap outta me, 'cause this is a whole new dimension that I've never worked with and am afraid I'm not going to be able to do it justice.

(I've made jokes before how, if I ever write a 'normal relationship', it'll be one of the surest signs of the coming apocalypse)

This story also has the biggest cast of characters I've ever worked with (which is daunting!)... or maybe it just feels like it? Well, secondary characters with their own arcs...

...when all these things add up together, I feel like this is going to be the most emotionally complex story I've written... and I'm already no slacker when it comes to that.

So, uhm, yeah. Lots of reasons to be terrified, but also lots of reasons that I'm crazy excited and obsessed with this new story. It still doesn't have a proper title though :p


But voice? Oh yeah, that's totally the easy part ;)

BeBe (the MC) is already coming off the page, just the way I like 'em ;p




* This may be an unpopular belief, but I tend to think that labels are often more about the people around us than about ourselves. As in, we label ourselves to make it easier for the people around us to understand us ...and we are so much more than a string of easily-memorizable labels.

Falling in love with a new voice

Starting this post off with a weird admission:

I've never fallen in love.

I've grown to love many people, but I've never experienced that thing people talk about, an instant connection of sorts, a hyper-awareness, an overwhelming desire to be with/around that person (we use the word 'fall' for a reason) whether you consider that to be mix of chemicals flooding through the brain or something more*. People write books about falling in love, they compose music and paint and do all sorts of creative outpourings to define or explain it.

And since I've never experienced it, that's probably why the stories I gravitate towards tend to focus on family and friend relationships. Or... weird relationships that don't cleanly fit into a neat 'love' box.

(those are my favourite)

BUT: a new voice? A new character? A new story? That is the closest feeling I can imagine to the thing people talk about: an instant and all-consuming desire, a scary sensation like teetering on a ledge and unsure whether to take a hasty step back, or lean forward and commit to the fall.**

This is why, in any new story, the first 10,000 words are always the easiest for me to write. It's the 'falling stage' where I don't have to do anything in particular, just relax into the voice and let it happen. After that is when I have to shake my head out of the fog of entrancement and think about the darn thing. Think, where is this going? Am I in this for the long-haul? ...and a few less-love/relationshipy-questions like: How can I break this character's shell of safety/control?

If you stalk me on twitter you may already know that I've fallen... and this one, oh man, this is a hard & fast fall.

...and it's unusually scary because this MS is all about love...

(but of course nothing that fits cleanly into an easily defined box. I may have stomped that box flat on page 3)

This MS is going to be messy. It's already messy and I don't quite know what it's about yet. I apologize to my CPs/writing buddies in advance because, well, I'm going to be messy & you're going to have to deal with me*** I'm afraid and excited and annoyed and... and swinging from 'what the hell am I doing, I should throw my laptop out the window' to 'oh my goodness, this is the best feeling ever and I never want to stop'.****

(I'm never this messy... so get ready for a lot of apologies, and maybe some outright bribes)

...also, I think I broke a piece of my brain on page 11 and I'm not sure how I'll recover...

(y'know that box I stomped flat on page 3? I may have folded it into an origami bird and set it on fire)

So, since I'm already rocketing head-first towards the sidewalk, this is now officially Project #8 and it currently has no title other than a self-mocking one:

"I Never Intended to Write a Love Story"

(all my titles change after I finish the first draft and figure out what the heck I was trying to write, but until then, I need something temporary to save/organize it)

When I'm closer to 20,000 words I'll probably know enough to write a short blurb & throw it up onto my website, but I'm still in that 'falling' stage and can't quite shake my head clear enough to think about character/plot arcs or even try to take that stomped-flat box and attempt to glue it into some semblance of a recognizable shape...

Oh no, wait, I set fire to it already, didn't I? So maybe I need to build a new box to put this in...



What I'm working with so far:

The problems that arise when someone has too much empathy

Shakespeare references

Something that resembles a love-triangle, but it's, uh, I really have no idea what the hell it actually is, but it's definitely not a love-triangle. Or maybe it is. Really, I don't know yet, but not an equilateral triangle for sure.*****

A character named Huntyr (yes, with a 'y', mostly so I can make a joke about it -> maybe not on the page, but for sure in my head)

Small children at a pool

Parents who are living/involved/actually show up on the page (I know, crazy, right?)

The gloriousness of minimum-wage jobs

Also: CPR saves lives. This might be important, but not in an obvious way considering I already mentioned a pool & small children



What's not in there (yet?):

A nausea-inducing vomit reference (there is one, but since it involves a mini-van I'm not counting it)

A character with a name beginning with 'J' (can I finally break this weird J-name streak?) ...and now there is one...

A cat reference



Also I'm pleased I only had to write about 8,000 words before figuring out my MC's name :)

(but I might change it because it's a Shakespeare thing and this is not a re-telling and I don't want to set up the impression it IS a re-telling... or I might be overthinking this too much and need to dunk my head in a bucket of cold water before my brain overheats & shuts down)




* Although I do have really good instincts about whether I'm compatible with someone, generally within moments of meeting them, but that is different from the 'love' thing.

** I'm like this with reading too... there's something amazing about opening a new book and falling in so deep you shake yourself awake & realize a couple hours have passed.

*** seriously, guys... no matter how annoying I am, please don't tell me I'm pretty if this story is the literary equivalent of a turquoise mumu that makes my ass look as wide as Texas...

**** I think I might be craving this messiness after coming out of edits on TRoRS which has such an emotionally stunted MC. My writing-brain now wants to run around in circles screaming like a hyper-active toddler in the candy aisle.

***** I know, I sound super confident about this, don't I? Told you this story is messy...