I think most writers are familiar with spots in a first draft where writing flows easily, and where it feels like you've taken a nude-dive into a patch of cacti and now have the tweezer-assisted task of removing each and every one of those prickly spines.
(uhm, yeah. sorry about that visual...)
Beginnings are like... well, they're the most effortless part of writing for me. I get caught up in a new voice and race forward, just exploring the fun, new perspective and problems I've landed myself in. Usually I get to around the 20,000-30,000 word mark before I start to stutter...
...and the place I always get stuck is somewhere between the 2/3 and 3/4 point...
That's where I am at the moment in AotD -> face-down, spread-eagle in the Ferocactus patch.
I think I've only written about 1,000 words in the last two weeks, so of course I feel like a horrible slacker who is in dire need of serious self-flagellation to get back on track :)
...but at the same time, this is familiar, I've done it before, so I know I'll eventually puzzle through it.
And I know why I always get stuck at this same point.
(somehow, that's the frustrating part. that I understand it, but still can't overcome it. I just have to let it work itself out in its own time.)
I get stuck here because I'm not a plotter.
And no, the reason I'm stuck isn't because I don't know how the story is going to end.
(I don't think I would keep writing a story if I knew how it would end. that's 99% of the joy, writing to discover what happens!)
The reason I get stuck is because my stories are always driven by character, not plot.
So it's when I can't grasp a character's motivation/emotions/etc that I get stuck, because it's their decisions or reactions that determine how the next scene will play out.
For most of the story, I'm just running after the main characters, only concerned about what they want and how they think/feel, but at that 2/3 -> 3/4 point, my brain jumps in and goes, "hang on, what about everyone else? What about all the other characters who have a role in the climax/ending? What do they want and what have they been thinking/feeling this whole time?"
...which is suddenly overwhelming to realize that I know nothing about the characters who instigated this whole thing in the first place...
(but duh, this is familiar, this happens in every first draft... so why do I still feel surprised?)
...and, my poor little dyslexic brain overheats and shuts down.
Yeah. So, Sikka & Komil & Mica & Selka, the four characters I've been running after, they're good. I know what they all want and how they're thinking/feeling...
But Issa? And the mysterious god/monster who spirited her away at the beginning of the story?
Uuuuuuuuuuuhm, yeah. Drawing a complete and total blank, kinda like the blue screen of death.
/force reboot
/force reboot
/force reboot...
The logical part of my brain tries to slap some sense into me and says, "uhm, idiot, you don't need to know that until you get there, so let it go and focus on the scene you're currently writing..."
But unfortunately that's easily said and not so easily done. The 'letting it go' part.
...I think it's a similar impulse to wanting to flip to the last page of a really intense book to see if your favourite character is still alive...
My brain wants to skip ahead, even though that's not how it works... because if I knew how the story ended, I would lose the enthusiasm to write and 'find' the end...
Contradictory, yes. Mildly frustrating, yes. Somewhat hilarious, yes.
Because I always take great joy in laughing at myself and I welcome others to join in on the fun :)
SOOOOOOOOO...
/removes cactus spine from unmentionable location...
Yeah. I've got a mountain, a hot-spring, a drop-spindle, and a mysterious line about 'stars'...
Those I need to write before I get to Issa & the god/monster...
...and I really can't skip ahead because this is the first book I've written where I'm not even sure who'll be alive on the final page...
And would I really want to finish this story if I knew, say, Selka bites it on the final page?
O_o
No. I might cry. A lot.
(it's no secret that I am completely obsessed with Selka...)
/removes anther cactus spine
Well, let's see how this goes :) I think I may take off to my favourite Fort Langley cafe tomorrow to drink raspberry black tea and hope the change in scenery will kick my stubborn brain back onto the right path so I can find out what the heck is going to happen in the end...
The nice part is, I've been reading a crazy amount of books while not-writing :)
How about you guys? Are there certain parts of a story you find you get stuck at, and other places where it's easy? Any tricks that work for you?
...or am I living in this strange, vaguely disturbing world all on my own?
Showing posts with label Project #5. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Project #5. Show all posts
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Friday, January 8, 2016
Happy 2016!
I know, I know, I'm a week late :)
Forgive me?
My right arm (the more dominant one) has been slightly 'out' of the rotary cuff for approximately 7 weeks, which makes typing quite painful, so I've been limiting my computering (yes, that is totally a word in my dictionary :p) to the essentials.
AAAAAAAAND, since my last post, there's been a lot of essential computering :)
Today/this weekend I'm hoping to finish the last fiddly bits of editing (3rd round! So fun!) on TRoRS before it's "done".
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that... like, one small part of my brain tells me, "hey, this is a big deal, you should be freaking out or jumping around or something..." and the rest of my brain goes, "yeah, but SELKA & SIKKA, and JAY & KELL, and... and... and OTHER STORIES THAT I WANT TO WRITE!!!!!"
...and then I start watching documentaries on the Arctic Circle and make notes on things like white sturgeons* and the hibernation cycle of ground squirrels...
...Oh yeah, I have managed to restrain myself from starting the story that is not a story yet. It's still locked in a small corner of my brain because it will take a CRAZY amount of research so I can get things right and not piss anyone off.
(The 'shoe' story)
...and I'm not sure if 'the shoe story' would be considered YA because it does involve the world history of alcohol...
I am absolutely going to finish 'Afraid of the Dark' & 'Scarlight' before I start anything new. And, I would LIKE to re-work/finish the MG story I started writing, 'Left & Right'. I stopped because I wasn't confident that the voice of it was MG, but this year I've read several really excellent MG books written in a slightly more mature voice which gives me a boost of confidence that I can pull this off.
Other things I've been up to... Oh, I donated my hair again! Last time was 2 years ago, so.... yeah, I did link a picture here. One of the very few pictures of me online... Generally, when it's cut off, it looks similar to that linked picture. Longer at the front, about 1-2" long at the back, (because they pull it into a ponytail, tie it off, and then cut, so you get a reverse-bob) but THIS time, my usual stylist was out of town and... let's just say, I am NOT inclined to post a picture until it grows out. When it's straight, it looks suspiciously... mushroom-shaped... so I've been letting it just go all crazy/curly, and the first thing my nephew said was... that I look like a sheep.
Nice thing is, I have a large collection of hats I can hide it under ;)
Best part about short hair? It looks insane in the morning! Like, I stayed at my parent's place Christmas Eve and everyone started killing themselves laughing when I walked into the kitchen on Christmas morning... it defies gravity and I kinda love that :p
So, other exciting things for 2016?
Hmmmm, I'm planning a trip to Montreal at the end of May (which might now involve meeting an online writing buddy for the first time ever!!!). The next internationally-attended PAC (Porcelain Artists of Canada) Convention is there, and thankfully, since it's on the other side of the country, I have not been involved with the planning/running of the convention :) If you recall, the 2014 convention that was in Vancouver pretty much sucked up a year of my time since I started out JUST handling all the registrations, then got asked to handle more and more responsibilities until I ended up as Vice-Chair. It was fun, I enjoyed it, but I didn't get to see any of the workshops because I was running around the whole time.
And speaking of PAC, and responsibilities, something similar has happened in that, after the 2014 convention, I got asked to help out with the photoshop work for the magazine, which snowballed into doing ALL the photoshopping, then taking care of the national website, and now I'm the Membership Director for the 2016-2018 term, which means I'm in charge of all the Provincial & International reps and handle all the membership stuff that they send me and compile/organize it all.
It's fun, I like the work, but I do need to learn to say 'no'. I'm probably just going to take on the position for the one term so I can re-do all the old forms/organizational stuff that they've been using for years, and set up a PayPal account so it's easier for International members to pay, 'cause right now, it's all done by cheque.
Generally, that's what I'm good at. Taking things apart and making them more efficient. It's a dyslexic-advantage ;)
...and probably why I often get asked to help on various projects like that.
(all joking aside, it's really flattering that they like me, and the work I do, to this extent)
Hmmmm, I was going to post something on my Bailiwick site when I got my new place all done/organized, and haven't done that yet because I've decided I want to do some more renovations. Some I'm going to do myself... like, I'm going to put stone around the fireplace, and all the way up to the ceiling. As part of that project, I am going to visit this place and get some cool wood to build shelving, and maybe rip out the existing tiled mantle & put wood there. Or I might do some framing/drywalling first... we'll see.
I also want to build a.... very unique lighting system/design feature that's going to involve cutting down a couple small trees on my parents' property (yes, I have permission, this won't be something I do under cover of darkness). I have thoughts on the actual lights too... remember how I played with coating actual maple leaves in resin? They were meant to be throw-away experiments, but 2 years later, the leaves haven't rotted and still hold their green colour. Anyways... let's just say resin & paper & leaves might play a part in the design for the lights ;) Oh, and maybe origami? We'll see :) Experimentation is the spice of life :)
One reno I may hire-out for is, I eventually want to remove the crappy laminate flooring from the ground floor AND the carpet from the upstairs and I'm thinking about a heated resin floor for the ground level, and that's not something I can put in myself. I know, I've researched it ;)
But, that's a design-choice I'm not 100% sure if I like or not. Would love an excuse to rip out the existing baseboard heaters because I wouldn't need them with in-floor heating, and it's super durable (with my crazy beagle tearing around) and it's super clean/modern... but maybe TOO clean/modern. I may go the opposite direction and put in distressed hardwood flooring, which I could do myself.
And a couple smaller things, I'm planning at least one snowboarding trip (end of Feb), and will definitely be up at the cabin as soon as possible... maybe late March, early April (yes, yes, I WILL avoid accidentally-on-purpose giving myself hypothermia again) because it's my absolutely favourite place in the world to write :)
So, those are a few things I'm excited about in this coming year :) How about you guys?
* By the way, there's kindof a funny white sturgeon thing... Another story idea that is not yet a story involves a white sturgeon, and a white sturgeon shows up (briefly) in AotD... so a writing buddy of mine joked that I should write "The Great Sturgeon Tales"... maybe do another one set in South America or something.
...so, kinda like how a character with a 'J' name always shows up in my stories... or vomit jokes... or cat references... or... or... uhh, yeah. I will seriously not start putting white sturgeons in all my stories, I promise.
Forgive me?
My right arm (the more dominant one) has been slightly 'out' of the rotary cuff for approximately 7 weeks, which makes typing quite painful, so I've been limiting my computering (yes, that is totally a word in my dictionary :p) to the essentials.
AAAAAAAAND, since my last post, there's been a lot of essential computering :)
Today/this weekend I'm hoping to finish the last fiddly bits of editing (3rd round! So fun!) on TRoRS before it's "done".
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that... like, one small part of my brain tells me, "hey, this is a big deal, you should be freaking out or jumping around or something..." and the rest of my brain goes, "yeah, but SELKA & SIKKA, and JAY & KELL, and... and... and OTHER STORIES THAT I WANT TO WRITE!!!!!"
...and then I start watching documentaries on the Arctic Circle and make notes on things like white sturgeons* and the hibernation cycle of ground squirrels...
...Oh yeah, I have managed to restrain myself from starting the story that is not a story yet. It's still locked in a small corner of my brain because it will take a CRAZY amount of research so I can get things right and not piss anyone off.
(The 'shoe' story)
...and I'm not sure if 'the shoe story' would be considered YA because it does involve the world history of alcohol...
I am absolutely going to finish 'Afraid of the Dark' & 'Scarlight' before I start anything new. And, I would LIKE to re-work/finish the MG story I started writing, 'Left & Right'. I stopped because I wasn't confident that the voice of it was MG, but this year I've read several really excellent MG books written in a slightly more mature voice which gives me a boost of confidence that I can pull this off.
Other things I've been up to... Oh, I donated my hair again! Last time was 2 years ago, so.... yeah, I did link a picture here. One of the very few pictures of me online... Generally, when it's cut off, it looks similar to that linked picture. Longer at the front, about 1-2" long at the back, (because they pull it into a ponytail, tie it off, and then cut, so you get a reverse-bob) but THIS time, my usual stylist was out of town and... let's just say, I am NOT inclined to post a picture until it grows out. When it's straight, it looks suspiciously... mushroom-shaped... so I've been letting it just go all crazy/curly, and the first thing my nephew said was... that I look like a sheep.
Nice thing is, I have a large collection of hats I can hide it under ;)
Best part about short hair? It looks insane in the morning! Like, I stayed at my parent's place Christmas Eve and everyone started killing themselves laughing when I walked into the kitchen on Christmas morning... it defies gravity and I kinda love that :p
So, other exciting things for 2016?
Hmmmm, I'm planning a trip to Montreal at the end of May (which might now involve meeting an online writing buddy for the first time ever!!!). The next internationally-attended PAC (Porcelain Artists of Canada) Convention is there, and thankfully, since it's on the other side of the country, I have not been involved with the planning/running of the convention :) If you recall, the 2014 convention that was in Vancouver pretty much sucked up a year of my time since I started out JUST handling all the registrations, then got asked to handle more and more responsibilities until I ended up as Vice-Chair. It was fun, I enjoyed it, but I didn't get to see any of the workshops because I was running around the whole time.
And speaking of PAC, and responsibilities, something similar has happened in that, after the 2014 convention, I got asked to help out with the photoshop work for the magazine, which snowballed into doing ALL the photoshopping, then taking care of the national website, and now I'm the Membership Director for the 2016-2018 term, which means I'm in charge of all the Provincial & International reps and handle all the membership stuff that they send me and compile/organize it all.
It's fun, I like the work, but I do need to learn to say 'no'. I'm probably just going to take on the position for the one term so I can re-do all the old forms/organizational stuff that they've been using for years, and set up a PayPal account so it's easier for International members to pay, 'cause right now, it's all done by cheque.
Generally, that's what I'm good at. Taking things apart and making them more efficient. It's a dyslexic-advantage ;)
...and probably why I often get asked to help on various projects like that.
(all joking aside, it's really flattering that they like me, and the work I do, to this extent)
Hmmmm, I was going to post something on my Bailiwick site when I got my new place all done/organized, and haven't done that yet because I've decided I want to do some more renovations. Some I'm going to do myself... like, I'm going to put stone around the fireplace, and all the way up to the ceiling. As part of that project, I am going to visit this place and get some cool wood to build shelving, and maybe rip out the existing tiled mantle & put wood there. Or I might do some framing/drywalling first... we'll see.
I also want to build a.... very unique lighting system/design feature that's going to involve cutting down a couple small trees on my parents' property (yes, I have permission, this won't be something I do under cover of darkness). I have thoughts on the actual lights too... remember how I played with coating actual maple leaves in resin? They were meant to be throw-away experiments, but 2 years later, the leaves haven't rotted and still hold their green colour. Anyways... let's just say resin & paper & leaves might play a part in the design for the lights ;) Oh, and maybe origami? We'll see :) Experimentation is the spice of life :)
One reno I may hire-out for is, I eventually want to remove the crappy laminate flooring from the ground floor AND the carpet from the upstairs and I'm thinking about a heated resin floor for the ground level, and that's not something I can put in myself. I know, I've researched it ;)
But, that's a design-choice I'm not 100% sure if I like or not. Would love an excuse to rip out the existing baseboard heaters because I wouldn't need them with in-floor heating, and it's super durable (with my crazy beagle tearing around) and it's super clean/modern... but maybe TOO clean/modern. I may go the opposite direction and put in distressed hardwood flooring, which I could do myself.
And a couple smaller things, I'm planning at least one snowboarding trip (end of Feb), and will definitely be up at the cabin as soon as possible... maybe late March, early April (yes, yes, I WILL avoid accidentally-on-purpose giving myself hypothermia again) because it's my absolutely favourite place in the world to write :)
So, those are a few things I'm excited about in this coming year :) How about you guys?
* By the way, there's kindof a funny white sturgeon thing... Another story idea that is not yet a story involves a white sturgeon, and a white sturgeon shows up (briefly) in AotD... so a writing buddy of mine joked that I should write "The Great Sturgeon Tales"... maybe do another one set in South America or something.
...so, kinda like how a character with a 'J' name always shows up in my stories... or vomit jokes... or cat references... or... or... uhh, yeah. I will seriously not start putting white sturgeons in all my stories, I promise.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Short update
Wow, the last couple of weeks have absolutely flown by! Somehow, I think that's a quality of summer, even though it's not like I'm in school anymore so I am not revelling in the freedom of vacation.
Maybe it's the heat? Melts the brain a little and time slides sideways?
So... divorce! Yes! It's done! I should get the final paperwork this week!
(okay, I am officially banning myself from further use of exclamation marks in this post before I poke someone's eye out)
Eva, my beloved and... always troublesome beagle companion... had a small surgery to remove a lump from her chest (nothing seriously, thankfully) and was confined to a cone-of-shame for a week. Oh yes, plus 2 weeks fighting with ear drops for a persistent ear infection. She gained almost 5 lbs due to the number of treats I had to bribe her with... sigh...
Berkeley knocked my laptop on the floor, which meant a trip to the Apple store + a new screen + a couple days forced-detox from computer-land. Don't worry, I got the crying & shaking under control after the first 24 hours.
I was out in Chilliwack with my painting mentor for a few days and plan to head backon the 24th in August to help go through stuff for the next PAC convention. This one is in Montreal, May 2016.
Editing more photos for the PAC magazine, new issue deadline is the end of the month, and I've also taken over the website related tasks. It was kindof fun to realize that teaching myself basic coding when I was a teenager somehow stuck in my brain enough to allow me to pop into the backend of a website I had not built and manipulate it. Good times were had by all :)
Most exciting thing of all? I've jumped back into the Northern Fairytale with both feet. I've been going through the 25,000 words of first-draft-ugliness and editing for consistency and logic (seriously, why did I ever think that deer would have already given birth to fawns in March? IGNORANCE, and I now know better) and have been tapped into a lovely collection of Arctic-related notes/research/documentaries for the next portion of writing.
Where did I leave off last time? Maybe you recall my (slight) obsession with crows/ravens? And a peculiar goddess/monster (or as she prefers to be called) a 'Lady' made up of an entire flock of crows?
So yes, Selka is back and hungry for blood. Quite literally. And my brain is positively buzzing with ideas, notions, and random tangents that might possibly intersect at some point and connect into a cohesive plot.
This also means Jay, Kell & the crew from SCARLIGHT are currently banished into the dark corners of my brain until a later time & place. Writing 2 first drafts at the same time is apparently beyond my abilities, not only just in the sheer number of tense errors flipping from past to present & back again, but due to the bi-polar war going on in my head hopping between a somewhat noble female character and a selfish, self-involved male character. Oh, but Kell? Parkour? So much fun research somewhere in the future :)
And while all this is going on, I am on the hunt for a new place to live. The plan is to move before the end of September, but so far my extreme pickiness is limiting my options. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask for to find a place with a fenced yard, room/lighting to accommodate 40+ orchids, a snooker table, 2 pets, all my porcelain/painting stuff, 2 kilns, a light table, my computers, books... ugh. Okay, you can see why this might be difficult...
Yes, the last couple weeks have flashed by... how are your summers shaping up so far? Any writing goals you're shooting for? I have been informed that Camp NaNo is not somehow related to a horror-novel plot and is quite legitimate. Any non-writerly goals? Moving? School? Career/drudgery? Family? Vacation/trips?
Maybe it's the heat? Melts the brain a little and time slides sideways?
So... divorce! Yes! It's done! I should get the final paperwork this week!
(okay, I am officially banning myself from further use of exclamation marks in this post before I poke someone's eye out)
Eva, my beloved and... always troublesome beagle companion... had a small surgery to remove a lump from her chest (nothing seriously, thankfully) and was confined to a cone-of-shame for a week. Oh yes, plus 2 weeks fighting with ear drops for a persistent ear infection. She gained almost 5 lbs due to the number of treats I had to bribe her with... sigh...
Berkeley knocked my laptop on the floor, which meant a trip to the Apple store + a new screen + a couple days forced-detox from computer-land. Don't worry, I got the crying & shaking under control after the first 24 hours.
I was out in Chilliwack with my painting mentor for a few days and plan to head back
Editing more photos for the PAC magazine, new issue deadline is the end of the month, and I've also taken over the website related tasks. It was kindof fun to realize that teaching myself basic coding when I was a teenager somehow stuck in my brain enough to allow me to pop into the backend of a website I had not built and manipulate it. Good times were had by all :)
Most exciting thing of all? I've jumped back into the Northern Fairytale with both feet. I've been going through the 25,000 words of first-draft-ugliness and editing for consistency and logic (seriously, why did I ever think that deer would have already given birth to fawns in March? IGNORANCE, and I now know better) and have been tapped into a lovely collection of Arctic-related notes/research/documentaries for the next portion of writing.
Where did I leave off last time? Maybe you recall my (slight) obsession with crows/ravens? And a peculiar goddess/monster (or as she prefers to be called) a 'Lady' made up of an entire flock of crows?
So yes, Selka is back and hungry for blood. Quite literally. And my brain is positively buzzing with ideas, notions, and random tangents that might possibly intersect at some point and connect into a cohesive plot.
This also means Jay, Kell & the crew from SCARLIGHT are currently banished into the dark corners of my brain until a later time & place. Writing 2 first drafts at the same time is apparently beyond my abilities, not only just in the sheer number of tense errors flipping from past to present & back again, but due to the bi-polar war going on in my head hopping between a somewhat noble female character and a selfish, self-involved male character. Oh, but Kell? Parkour? So much fun research somewhere in the future :)
And while all this is going on, I am on the hunt for a new place to live. The plan is to move before the end of September, but so far my extreme pickiness is limiting my options. It doesn't seem like a lot to ask for to find a place with a fenced yard, room/lighting to accommodate 40+ orchids, a snooker table, 2 pets, all my porcelain/painting stuff, 2 kilns, a light table, my computers, books... ugh. Okay, you can see why this might be difficult...
Yes, the last couple weeks have flashed by... how are your summers shaping up so far? Any writing goals you're shooting for? I have been informed that Camp NaNo is not somehow related to a horror-novel plot and is quite legitimate. Any non-writerly goals? Moving? School? Career/drudgery? Family? Vacation/trips?
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Descriptions of colour, and a runaway tangent about eggs
Okay, now this is hilarious...
Now I'm curious to go back through old stories/writing and see if I've used any weird food references...
Since I'm not big on physically describing characters, the only story I can think of with (potentially) problematic descriptions is SCARLIGHT, but since I have decided on a pallet of colours for him to see the world in, if I have fallen prey to any food-comparisons, at least finding a substitute will be easy :)
Personally (in that linked article) I was hoping for a description using uncooked egg whites as a comparison... which, I feel, are one of the more disgusting things a person could eat. Actually, eggs in general I find a little creepy.
By the way, did you know that blood can be used as a substitute for eggs? Seriously... this IS going to end up in a story someday... I've been toying with AotD as an appropriate medium...
And yes my head is full of weird facts. This makes me useless at 'proper' small talk, yet it's incredibly useful at driving away people I don't want to have a conversation with.
Really? You want to tell me about the latest celebrity-fad-high-protein-diet you're on? Well, let me tell you an interesting fact about eggs and blood...
Works every time ;)
Now I'm curious to go back through old stories/writing and see if I've used any weird food references...
Since I'm not big on physically describing characters, the only story I can think of with (potentially) problematic descriptions is SCARLIGHT, but since I have decided on a pallet of colours for him to see the world in, if I have fallen prey to any food-comparisons, at least finding a substitute will be easy :)
Personally (in that linked article) I was hoping for a description using uncooked egg whites as a comparison... which, I feel, are one of the more disgusting things a person could eat. Actually, eggs in general I find a little creepy.
By the way, did you know that blood can be used as a substitute for eggs? Seriously... this IS going to end up in a story someday... I've been toying with AotD as an appropriate medium...
And yes my head is full of weird facts. This makes me useless at 'proper' small talk, yet it's incredibly useful at driving away people I don't want to have a conversation with.
Really? You want to tell me about the latest celebrity-fad-high-protein-diet you're on? Well, let me tell you an interesting fact about eggs and blood...
Works every time ;)
Thursday, September 11, 2014
New perspective on old work
I'm a very bad dog-parent. To write a previous post about my dog getting over her fear of water, I actually had to email my mom and ask how old my dog was so I could give the correct number of years. (she's still 50% analog and has all birthdays/ages written on a wall calendar)
Before I gave in and emailed her, I was looking back through my old posts... 'cause I know I've put up a post or two on Eva's birthday with her age and a photo... but for the life of me, I couldn't find any of them.
Maybe I need a new label for 'pets'...?
Anyways, in that search, I unearthed this old post of mine about looking back on old work with a new perspective...
It was interesting, and oddly relevant, since a few weeks ago I was cleaning up my back-up drive, found some old writing files, and re-read Project #5, (AotD) the Northern Fairytale story.
Since the story is only about 1/3 written, and was started as an exercise to give me headspace from TRoRS before heading into my first round of edits, and then I continued to pick away at AotD whenever I was edit-blocked on TRoRS, the story was... quite interesting to re-read. And a good lesson on why multi-tasking is impossible for 98% of human brains (I won't bore you with footnotes, but a lot of research suggests this is true).
There's a lot of good in AotD... certainly more than I could see when I saved the file for the final time and dove into other work.
...but there's also a heck of a lot of things to laugh at. It is an unfinished first draft after all...
The major 'laugh-point' is, because TRoRS switches between past and present tense, I guess whenever I returned to AotD (unfortunately) I carried through with that... often switching within the same scene. Sometimes within the same paragraph. And (embarrassingly) more than a few times in a single sentence.
...fixing it is an amusing (future) prospect to ponder. Though I still do love the Lady of Crows as much as I did the first time she spilled out of my head and onto the keyboard...
I wrote that old post two years ago. While I remember writing it, while I recognize my own 'voice' in the wording (and the self-deprecating humour), I have new perspective. I don't think I agree with it 100% anymore.
More than re-reading an old story after giving it some space, re-visiting an old opinion is infinitely more interesting.
One of the primary things that has always driven me to write is a long history of looking stupid.
...and again, it's not something I'm angry about, or upset about. It's simply one of the building-blocks of who I am.
But it is interesting to compare my attitude in that first old post with this one (written 5 months later), and then this one (written 2 months after that, and yes TRoRS was previously titled BF).
...and in re-reading these few posts, I'm not entirely certain what my perspective on the subject is now...
...but finding lines that make me laugh, or lines of description that take my breath away (figuratively, not because they are Victor Hugo-esque run-on sentences...) in a partially written first-draft story, well, I think that's an amazing thing.
Having a bit of perspective on old work, and being surprised more at the good than the bad, well that certainly speaks volumes, both about my growth as a writer, and as a person.
...and even though it would give me a more objective sense of how far I've come as a writer, I still have zero desire to ever unearth my first piece of 'longish fiction', (melodramatically entitled) "The Burning Cross", written for a Grade 9 Social Studies project.
Somethings are best kept buried, or burned ;)
Before I gave in and emailed her, I was looking back through my old posts... 'cause I know I've put up a post or two on Eva's birthday with her age and a photo... but for the life of me, I couldn't find any of them.
Maybe I need a new label for 'pets'...?
Anyways, in that search, I unearthed this old post of mine about looking back on old work with a new perspective...
It was interesting, and oddly relevant, since a few weeks ago I was cleaning up my back-up drive, found some old writing files, and re-read Project #5, (AotD) the Northern Fairytale story.
Since the story is only about 1/3 written, and was started as an exercise to give me headspace from TRoRS before heading into my first round of edits, and then I continued to pick away at AotD whenever I was edit-blocked on TRoRS, the story was... quite interesting to re-read. And a good lesson on why multi-tasking is impossible for 98% of human brains (I won't bore you with footnotes, but a lot of research suggests this is true).
There's a lot of good in AotD... certainly more than I could see when I saved the file for the final time and dove into other work.
...but there's also a heck of a lot of things to laugh at. It is an unfinished first draft after all...
The major 'laugh-point' is, because TRoRS switches between past and present tense, I guess whenever I returned to AotD (unfortunately) I carried through with that... often switching within the same scene. Sometimes within the same paragraph. And (embarrassingly) more than a few times in a single sentence.
...fixing it is an amusing (future) prospect to ponder. Though I still do love the Lady of Crows as much as I did the first time she spilled out of my head and onto the keyboard...
I wrote that old post two years ago. While I remember writing it, while I recognize my own 'voice' in the wording (and the self-deprecating humour), I have new perspective. I don't think I agree with it 100% anymore.
More than re-reading an old story after giving it some space, re-visiting an old opinion is infinitely more interesting.
One of the primary things that has always driven me to write is a long history of looking stupid.
...and again, it's not something I'm angry about, or upset about. It's simply one of the building-blocks of who I am.
But it is interesting to compare my attitude in that first old post with this one (written 5 months later), and then this one (written 2 months after that, and yes TRoRS was previously titled BF).
...and in re-reading these few posts, I'm not entirely certain what my perspective on the subject is now...
...but finding lines that make me laugh, or lines of description that take my breath away (figuratively, not because they are Victor Hugo-esque run-on sentences...) in a partially written first-draft story, well, I think that's an amazing thing.
Having a bit of perspective on old work, and being surprised more at the good than the bad, well that certainly speaks volumes, both about my growth as a writer, and as a person.
...and even though it would give me a more objective sense of how far I've come as a writer, I still have zero desire to ever unearth my first piece of 'longish fiction', (melodramatically entitled) "The Burning Cross", written for a Grade 9 Social Studies project.
Somethings are best kept buried, or burned ;)
Monday, April 14, 2014
Characteristics of insanity
I know I wrote a post a while ago that touched on this, but it's happening again.
There is seriously a screw loose in my head (well, probably more than one...) that pops up in times of extreme busyness/stress.
When things are piled up so high it's hard to plan out a day, much less a week, my brain decides it's a great time to push everything aside and think about writing.
Is this a strange form of procrastination?
Is it a way to force a mental break?
Or is my brain trying to kill me in a slightly different method?
There are few reasons why I think it might be attempted-suicide-by-brain.
1) It's not just one story. It's all of them, actually. 6 major/full length stories (well, 9 actually, since the 'sort-of-trunked' one was a trilogy). If it was just a single one, I'd be more included to think, "wow, after a good rest/break from that story, I have gained fresh perspective!"
2) It's not just one change, it's many. Thoughts on TRoRS would require me to delete about 1/4-1/3 of the story and go from there. Thoughts on AotD, L&R, and SO would require a complete refocus of each story... too scared to calculate how much re-writing would be required (easily 1/2 of each story)... Thoughts on the trilogy would require rewriting from scratch in a different POV. Thankfully, at only 20-ish-thousand words, the changes to SL would be less... but it's also the one I have the least thoughts on, which means it's the story least worth delving into.
3) I'm still banned from typing. Even just typing out this post has my neck aching, a sharp repetitive stabbing in my rotary cuff, and the fingers of my right hand are starting to hit the wrong keys, or not move at all (due to the shrink-wrapped-fascia tissue in my forearm restricting the tendons that work the fingers).
Yet my brain is full of *ideas* that it wants to get out.
May is going to be an insane month, with the convention and all, so I'm hoping I can mentally sandbag/barricade this tsunami until June 1st.
...we'll see how it goes...
There is seriously a screw loose in my head (well, probably more than one...) that pops up in times of extreme busyness/stress.
When things are piled up so high it's hard to plan out a day, much less a week, my brain decides it's a great time to push everything aside and think about writing.
Is this a strange form of procrastination?
Is it a way to force a mental break?
Or is my brain trying to kill me in a slightly different method?
There are few reasons why I think it might be attempted-suicide-by-brain.
1) It's not just one story. It's all of them, actually. 6 major/full length stories (well, 9 actually, since the 'sort-of-trunked' one was a trilogy). If it was just a single one, I'd be more included to think, "wow, after a good rest/break from that story, I have gained fresh perspective!"
2) It's not just one change, it's many. Thoughts on TRoRS would require me to delete about 1/4-1/3 of the story and go from there. Thoughts on AotD, L&R, and SO would require a complete refocus of each story... too scared to calculate how much re-writing would be required (easily 1/2 of each story)... Thoughts on the trilogy would require rewriting from scratch in a different POV. Thankfully, at only 20-ish-thousand words, the changes to SL would be less... but it's also the one I have the least thoughts on, which means it's the story least worth delving into.
3) I'm still banned from typing. Even just typing out this post has my neck aching, a sharp repetitive stabbing in my rotary cuff, and the fingers of my right hand are starting to hit the wrong keys, or not move at all (due to the shrink-wrapped-fascia tissue in my forearm restricting the tendons that work the fingers).
Yet my brain is full of *ideas* that it wants to get out.
May is going to be an insane month, with the convention and all, so I'm hoping I can mentally sandbag/barricade this tsunami until June 1st.
...we'll see how it goes...
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Writerly update
First, I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year again, but will probably only commit to a half-NaNo (so, 25,000 words instead of 50,000). I'm going to probably make headway in "Scarlight", but I'm also thinking of (perhaps) re-writing "Left & Right" from scratch (after reading Patrick Ness' "A Monster Calls" I am sort of itching to get back to this), or re-reading "Afraid of the Dark" and seeing if I can figure out why I got stuck, and whether that is something that can be overcome, or something that resigns this particular story to the proverbial trunk.
If you're doing NaNo, and wish to stalk me, I am here.
Second, I did sign up for the SIWC, which is the last weekend in October. I honestly have no idea what to expect as this is my first writing conference ever. I'm equal parts nervous and excited.
Third, I am eyeball-deep in reading/critiquing a full manuscript for someone. Well, I should be eyeball-deep, but I'm actually only up to my ankles. I'm hoping to get it done by the end of the weekend... but let's just wait and see :)
Now, your turn. What writerly adventures are you up to? What goals are in your future?
If you're doing NaNo, and wish to stalk me, I am here.
Second, I did sign up for the SIWC, which is the last weekend in October. I honestly have no idea what to expect as this is my first writing conference ever. I'm equal parts nervous and excited.
Third, I am eyeball-deep in reading/critiquing a full manuscript for someone. Well, I should be eyeball-deep, but I'm actually only up to my ankles. I'm hoping to get it done by the end of the weekend... but let's just wait and see :)
Now, your turn. What writerly adventures are you up to? What goals are in your future?
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Yeah, I'm kind of slow sometimes
It just hit me, why I'm writing Jay.
'Cause when writing "The Rules of Riding Shotgun", I never really got to write from Jackson's perspective.
And Jay is a lot like Jackson (and it's not just the 'J' name thing*). They are both confident, pushy, and selfish. Their needs come first, always, and if someone can't help them, then that person is disposable.
The reason why I'm saying that I'm slow, is 'cause every time I start a new story, the main aspect of the main character is something I wanted to explore more in whatever I was previously working on.
Project #1 had primarily female characters, and I hated my main female character. Yes, hated. As in, I plotted her destruction daily, but couldn't kill her off since she was (duh) the MC, so instead, she got beaten up a lot by other characters -> so I wanted to write from the male perspective, which I was more comfortable with anyways
Project #2 flipped between two brothers -> I really enjoyed writing from the younger one's perspective, since I had never written a character that young before, plus I knew the narrative was too distant, so I was toying with the idea of trying 1st person for a change, rather than my usual close-3rd POV and seeing how that went.
Project #3 is MG, not YA, 1st person, present tense (also a new/first-time thing for me) -> I wasn't confident I was pulling off a MG voice, and I wanted something more action-y (plot-wise), and I kind of liked how a preteen boys and girls can be nearly interchangeable in a lot of ways, especially since romantic relationships aren't the first thing on their brain when they interact with their peers.
Project #4 I went back to YA, there's a more action-y plot, genderless character who is pretty slow on the whole 'growing up/relationship thing', and I felt confident enough to swap between past/present, and keep it in 1st person -> but I didn't have a good handle on Jackson. Actually, that's still bugging me while I'm editing the 2nd draft. Since the MC is so 'Triss-focused', it's impossible to show Jackson as anything other than how the MC views him as: a dangerous, selfish jerk who is trying to take the MC's place (in a way). Jealousy sure throws up some strong blinders... and it bothers me that I can't show a more objective view of Jackson.
Project #5 I flipped a complete 180. Female MC who makes her choices/mistakes 'cause she loves her sister (not for selfish reasons), there's an actual *romantic* relationship that isn't weird/creepy, and I got to play with my own mythology (which is always awesome)... but then after NaNo was over, I went back to re-read Project #4 with fresh eyes, and all those things I was already thinking about resurfaced, so...
Project #6 has a male character who is similar (personality-wise) to Jackson, and since I'm in his head, I can actually focus on why he does what he does, not trying to pry small details out from an extremely difficult, Triss-obsessed character who only focuses on whether someone is going to hurt them or not. So, (contented sigh) I get to show a more objective view of an unlikable character and (somehow?) make him interesting enough that readers want to follow along on his journey. Although, it would probably be easier to kill him off, like Jackson ;)
See why I say I'm kindof slow? I have this clear pattern... and I only clued in 20 minutes ago as to why I'm writing such a difficult character as Jay.
OH, and after many hours of research**, I know Kell's "real" name now. HINT: it's an Arabic name meaning "good looking/beautiful". Since Jay wants to paint her, I figured that was appropriate.
It was a real pain trying to find a name with the sound 'kell' somewhere inside it, and have it come from the right part of the world.***
I also looked up names for Jay's ex girlfriend and a couple teachers, and chose them 'cause they "fit", not just 'cause I needed a name, and whatever fell off of my fingers and onto the screen was good enough. So that's a first-time thing for me too.
Although, I do realize I wasted hours on this yesterday... which is why I will probably go back to my usual lazy-naming-scheme. After all, I can always change names later :) Heck, that's what I do with titles, so names really aren't any different.
How about you guys? Do you put a lot of thought into your character names? What about weird quirks like my 'J-name' thing?
Do you have strange writing patterns like I do? What inspires you to write a new story, and is it usually the same kind of genre/characters/POV/etc, or do you mix it up?
* I mentioned this a long time ago in another post... but I have the tendency to use a lot of 'J' names. In Project #3, there was a kid names Jack (changed to 'Zach' after I started Project #4), and there are two of them in Project #1... not the MC, but the next important female and the... sort of (but not really) male 'interest'. I seriously can't call him a romantic interest 'cause... well, I just can't.
So far, Projects #2 & #5 are 'J-free', but I'm sure one or two will sneak in there when I'm not looking...
** also known as procrastination
*** Kell almost got a complete background re-write, instead of Arabic/Persian, there was one African name that worked, and like 4 or 5 Hawaiian names. But I'm glad I stuck it out.
'Cause when writing "The Rules of Riding Shotgun", I never really got to write from Jackson's perspective.
And Jay is a lot like Jackson (and it's not just the 'J' name thing*). They are both confident, pushy, and selfish. Their needs come first, always, and if someone can't help them, then that person is disposable.
The reason why I'm saying that I'm slow, is 'cause every time I start a new story, the main aspect of the main character is something I wanted to explore more in whatever I was previously working on.
Project #1 had primarily female characters, and I hated my main female character. Yes, hated. As in, I plotted her destruction daily, but couldn't kill her off since she was (duh) the MC, so instead, she got beaten up a lot by other characters -> so I wanted to write from the male perspective, which I was more comfortable with anyways
Project #2 flipped between two brothers -> I really enjoyed writing from the younger one's perspective, since I had never written a character that young before, plus I knew the narrative was too distant, so I was toying with the idea of trying 1st person for a change, rather than my usual close-3rd POV and seeing how that went.
Project #3 is MG, not YA, 1st person, present tense (also a new/first-time thing for me) -> I wasn't confident I was pulling off a MG voice, and I wanted something more action-y (plot-wise), and I kind of liked how a preteen boys and girls can be nearly interchangeable in a lot of ways, especially since romantic relationships aren't the first thing on their brain when they interact with their peers.
Project #4 I went back to YA, there's a more action-y plot, genderless character who is pretty slow on the whole 'growing up/relationship thing', and I felt confident enough to swap between past/present, and keep it in 1st person -> but I didn't have a good handle on Jackson. Actually, that's still bugging me while I'm editing the 2nd draft. Since the MC is so 'Triss-focused', it's impossible to show Jackson as anything other than how the MC views him as: a dangerous, selfish jerk who is trying to take the MC's place (in a way). Jealousy sure throws up some strong blinders... and it bothers me that I can't show a more objective view of Jackson.
Project #5 I flipped a complete 180. Female MC who makes her choices/mistakes 'cause she loves her sister (not for selfish reasons), there's an actual *romantic* relationship that isn't weird/creepy, and I got to play with my own mythology (which is always awesome)... but then after NaNo was over, I went back to re-read Project #4 with fresh eyes, and all those things I was already thinking about resurfaced, so...
Project #6 has a male character who is similar (personality-wise) to Jackson, and since I'm in his head, I can actually focus on why he does what he does, not trying to pry small details out from an extremely difficult, Triss-obsessed character who only focuses on whether someone is going to hurt them or not. So, (contented sigh) I get to show a more objective view of an unlikable character and (somehow?) make him interesting enough that readers want to follow along on his journey. Although, it would probably be easier to kill him off, like Jackson ;)
See why I say I'm kindof slow? I have this clear pattern... and I only clued in 20 minutes ago as to why I'm writing such a difficult character as Jay.
OH, and after many hours of research**, I know Kell's "real" name now. HINT: it's an Arabic name meaning "good looking/beautiful". Since Jay wants to paint her, I figured that was appropriate.
It was a real pain trying to find a name with the sound 'kell' somewhere inside it, and have it come from the right part of the world.***
I also looked up names for Jay's ex girlfriend and a couple teachers, and chose them 'cause they "fit", not just 'cause I needed a name, and whatever fell off of my fingers and onto the screen was good enough. So that's a first-time thing for me too.
Although, I do realize I wasted hours on this yesterday... which is why I will probably go back to my usual lazy-naming-scheme. After all, I can always change names later :) Heck, that's what I do with titles, so names really aren't any different.
How about you guys? Do you put a lot of thought into your character names? What about weird quirks like my 'J-name' thing?
Do you have strange writing patterns like I do? What inspires you to write a new story, and is it usually the same kind of genre/characters/POV/etc, or do you mix it up?
* I mentioned this a long time ago in another post... but I have the tendency to use a lot of 'J' names. In Project #3, there was a kid names Jack (changed to 'Zach' after I started Project #4), and there are two of them in Project #1... not the MC, but the next important female and the... sort of (but not really) male 'interest'. I seriously can't call him a romantic interest 'cause... well, I just can't.
So far, Projects #2 & #5 are 'J-free', but I'm sure one or two will sneak in there when I'm not looking...
** also known as procrastination
*** Kell almost got a complete background re-write, instead of Arabic/Persian, there was one African name that worked, and like 4 or 5 Hawaiian names. But I'm glad I stuck it out.
Friday, November 23, 2012
The fight of the year
I swear, I don't think I've fought this much with a first draft... ever.
I think it's because the entire story is "so-unlike-me". It's a battle, twisting these characters out of my brain. Nothing comes naturally. They think differently, speak differently, behave differently, and I'm constantly questioning myself... am I doing this right? Is this correct? Is that how they'd really act/choose/argue/etc?
Don't get me wrong, I'm still having fun, I'm still enjoying the challenge of working on something difficult and unusual (for me), and I think I finally can appreciate the concept of *writer's block* a little more, because I don't think I've ever really had it before.
Sure, there have been plenty of times when I didn't know what would happening next in a story, but I would always just take a break and wait until the words came again, or I would jump ahead and write scenes I did know, and would figure out how to connect them up later.
I can't do that this time.
These characters are so different, I can't jump ahead because I really don't know how they would act... I don't know how they will get to where they need to go, and how they will have changed by the time they have gotten there.
I suppose, since I don't fully understand them, I don't have a clear idea of their character arcs.
...which never happens. Normally, I only need to get a few pages into a new story, and their arc is clear.
This time... I'm closing in on 20,000 words (don't ask what I should be at to *win* NaNo...) and I still don't know what major change they will go through. I don't know what they will have to give up/sacrifice, what wounds they will endure, what hard choices they will make...
I think this is the first time I have a better idea of what the plot is than what the characters *are*.
Probably, some of this not-knowing is because this is an unusually stressful/busy month for me, where my brain is only putting about 5% of its total energy into this story, as evident by my absurdly low word-count... but hey, I'm typing this from the ferry... again... because I haven't had a moment to write at home all week.
Changing the conditions will obviously change the outcome. In this case, since I seem to only get time to write on the ferry, a very public, noisy place, when I normally I write at home in perfect solitude/silence/no distractions, my concentration level, and my writing, are obviously not going to be the same.
Strangely, I think because of the constant distractions, I'm finding it easier to write quick/argumentative dialogue and action sequences... maybe because of all the nose/activity, but it's much harder to keep track of things like emotional/personal changes/connections/etc.
Where do you normally write? Do you switch it up? Do you find it's easier to write some kind of scenes in specific circumstances, and other scenes in other places? How do you find writing in public vs. private spaces? Noise vs. quiet?
I think it's because the entire story is "so-unlike-me". It's a battle, twisting these characters out of my brain. Nothing comes naturally. They think differently, speak differently, behave differently, and I'm constantly questioning myself... am I doing this right? Is this correct? Is that how they'd really act/choose/argue/etc?
Don't get me wrong, I'm still having fun, I'm still enjoying the challenge of working on something difficult and unusual (for me), and I think I finally can appreciate the concept of *writer's block* a little more, because I don't think I've ever really had it before.
Sure, there have been plenty of times when I didn't know what would happening next in a story, but I would always just take a break and wait until the words came again, or I would jump ahead and write scenes I did know, and would figure out how to connect them up later.
I can't do that this time.
These characters are so different, I can't jump ahead because I really don't know how they would act... I don't know how they will get to where they need to go, and how they will have changed by the time they have gotten there.
I suppose, since I don't fully understand them, I don't have a clear idea of their character arcs.
...which never happens. Normally, I only need to get a few pages into a new story, and their arc is clear.
This time... I'm closing in on 20,000 words (don't ask what I should be at to *win* NaNo...) and I still don't know what major change they will go through. I don't know what they will have to give up/sacrifice, what wounds they will endure, what hard choices they will make...
I think this is the first time I have a better idea of what the plot is than what the characters *are*.
Probably, some of this not-knowing is because this is an unusually stressful/busy month for me, where my brain is only putting about 5% of its total energy into this story, as evident by my absurdly low word-count... but hey, I'm typing this from the ferry... again... because I haven't had a moment to write at home all week.
Changing the conditions will obviously change the outcome. In this case, since I seem to only get time to write on the ferry, a very public, noisy place, when I normally I write at home in perfect solitude/silence/no distractions, my concentration level, and my writing, are obviously not going to be the same.
Strangely, I think because of the constant distractions, I'm finding it easier to write quick/argumentative dialogue and action sequences... maybe because of all the nose/activity, but it's much harder to keep track of things like emotional/personal changes/connections/etc.
Where do you normally write? Do you switch it up? Do you find it's easier to write some kind of scenes in specific circumstances, and other scenes in other places? How do you find writing in public vs. private spaces? Noise vs. quiet?
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Okay, NOW I'm back...
Until Thursday at least ;)
Thankfully, the furniture was delivered (with one major hitch), and I managed to get on a ferry last night (though 4 hours later than I intended). It was nice to sleep in a real bed again :)
While waiting around, I managed to get an almost-5,000-word-writing-day in yesterday, though I'm still about 12,000 words short of where I *should* be according to the NaNo schedule.
Half-insane with exhaustion, I managed to complete the crow-goddess scene I posted (part of) a few days ago and get a little further while on the ferry home last night. This isn't all of it, but I'm starting to get a handle on the temperament of the gods/monsters in this story, and I think this crow goddess is going to be a larger part of the story than I originally intended.
Right now though, too much of my own voice is coming out in the writing... a natural product of being overtired. The whole thing feels too distant, which I know is something I struggle with as a writer, this tendency to add too *adult-a-voice* in the wording/descriptions/etc... which is something that distinctively separates YA from adult stories.
I find it to be very difficult work, to go in and rip apart scenes like this to create a better connection between reader and characters. I think that's probably the biggest change between a fresh first-draft, and the single editing-pass I always make before handing it off to my CP's/beta-readers.
Thankfully, the furniture was delivered (with one major hitch), and I managed to get on a ferry last night (though 4 hours later than I intended). It was nice to sleep in a real bed again :)
While waiting around, I managed to get an almost-5,000-word-writing-day in yesterday, though I'm still about 12,000 words short of where I *should* be according to the NaNo schedule.
Half-insane with exhaustion, I managed to complete the crow-goddess scene I posted (part of) a few days ago and get a little further while on the ferry home last night. This isn't all of it, but I'm starting to get a handle on the temperament of the gods/monsters in this story, and I think this crow goddess is going to be a larger part of the story than I originally intended.
Right now though, too much of my own voice is coming out in the writing... a natural product of being overtired. The whole thing feels too distant, which I know is something I struggle with as a writer, this tendency to add too *adult-a-voice* in the wording/descriptions/etc... which is something that distinctively separates YA from adult stories.
I find it to be very difficult work, to go in and rip apart scenes like this to create a better connection between reader and characters. I think that's probably the biggest change between a fresh first-draft, and the single editing-pass I always make before handing it off to my CP's/beta-readers.
With heavy footfalls, Komil ran through the snow and stopped at my side. He bent low, using his spear to prop himself up as he tried to catch his breath. “Those bastards,” he exhaled the words between gasps, “attacking you out of nowhere.”
Mica circled around and fell on the birds I had cut, his teeth tearing the wings from their bodies as he devoured them.
The birds in the tree grew louder, their sharp sounds of displeasure resonating through the trees.
“Little human,” the crow lady spoke, “you would try to make a god?”
***
I wasn’t sure how to answer the crow goddess’ question. Yes, wasn’t right, but neither was no. To say it was a mistake, or an accident seemed vulgar, or blasphemous.
Komil was no help at all. He just shrugged, but kept the bow ready and an arrow notched.
Mica had already eaten the crows I had cut down, and was now ripping apart the ones Komil had shot. His paws held the arrows still as he crunched through their rib cages, then pulled their bodies free of the wooden shaft with a swift shake of his jaws.
“I’m sorry.” It was the only thing I could think to say that I truly meant.
A few crows spread their wings and slid through the air to a lower branch. I was starting to see it, how small groups of movements within the flock could nearly mimic the body language of a single crow.
“For what?”
I nodded at Mica. “For killing part of you.”
Clusters of wings beat the air, but not a single black body rose to flight. Their sharp claws held tight to the knotted bark, their heads turning left and right. They watched me with a hundred single eyes, but the intensity of their gaze felt like a thousand.
“I will breed and nest this summer. I will grow larger and stronger. Take heed, little human, not all gods devour their own to gain strength.”
Her words were strange, but then what did I know of gods? “Only the young and the weak?”
She laughed, in that off-kilter chaos of croaks and cackles. “And the foolish.” A section of crows side-stepped together, their beaks clacking in unison. “Or if the opportunity happens to present itself.”
“Ah.” I thought about it. “Like it did with me, just a few minutes ago?”
“You are not a god, little human.”
“No, but I still might taste good.”
There was another jarring laugh. “It’s a pity you had allies.”
Saturday, November 10, 2012
On my way out
Well, by my calculation, I'll lose somewhere between 10 and 14 writing days this month due to travel.
I'm just about to run for the ferry, and won't be back until sometime Tuesday, probably late evening.
This happened last year too, and the year before, which is why I've been sticking to half-NaNo's (25,000 words instead of 50,000) the past several years since I'm often away 50% of the month.
...did I catch up on my word count yesterday? Not a chance :) I don't think I even got a thousand words in...
BUT, I managed to get past the sticking point I hit a couple days ago with this scene:
(Mica's a dog... just so ya know)
I'm just about to run for the ferry, and won't be back until sometime Tuesday, probably late evening.
This happened last year too, and the year before, which is why I've been sticking to half-NaNo's (25,000 words instead of 50,000) the past several years since I'm often away 50% of the month.
...did I catch up on my word count yesterday? Not a chance :) I don't think I even got a thousand words in...
BUT, I managed to get past the sticking point I hit a couple days ago with this scene:
(Mica's a dog... just so ya know)
Thursday, November 8, 2012
NaNo, first-drafts, and pantsing-process
It's been a while since I've worked on a first draft. I think I finished the 'Brake Fluid' draft sometime back in June (too lazy to check/confirm at this moment), and since then, I have been single-mindedly editing/re-reading/polishing/etc.
It feels a little weird to be working on a first draft again. Like, if you've injured your dominant hand, and have to use the other one for a while. You know all the motions, but the angle and strength are different. You have to think about what you do it instead of just doing it. Everything seems slower and less efficient.
Yup, that's what first-drafting feels like to me, as a pantser.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy writing them, because I get the change to discover new stories, new characters, new worlds. I write to find these things... which is why I get no pleasure from plotting/planning ahead of time.
But it's still difficult.
I still have moments (lots of them in fact) when I get so frustrated with myself for not knowing what happens next... when I'm stuck mid-scene with no idea what the next line of dialogue could be.
Today was full of moments like that. I took a lot of breaks, did laundry, washed dishes, brought in more wood and kindling for the fireplace. I read blogs, checked email... played solitaire on my phone (I may have a slight addiction...).
I barely scraped in 1,700 words. I'm still short by 866 words from being on target, but the word count isn't what's frustrating me.
It's not knowing how the very last scene I wrote connects with that 'lady of crows' scene I wrote a few days ago. I'm not sure if they are separated by a day, or a week of in-novel-time. I don't know if my characters head north, or south, or if they argue and go in two different directions.
So what did I do to raise my word count today by those measly 1,700 words? I went back and fleshed out earlier scenes, ones that were so sparse, they were little more than dialogue and a few transition sentences. I looked for parts I had written earlier than now needed to be changed. For where I automatically typed 'day' when what I meant was 'night'. I gave Mica some of the qualities that drive me crazy in my own dog (the beagle).
Apparently that's part of my process. Write sparsely, then when I open the file the next day, I go back over the previous day's scenes, fill them in, and get myself back into the head-space of the story that way.
Or that's how it should work, normally.
I didn't beat myself up, but I'm disappointed in my progress. I wish I had caught up and surpassed the 8th day word count goal of 13,333 words, especially since I'll be gone this coming weekend and will lose another 2 days of writing time, plus more later this month.
But I also think, maybe I did just need a break today, and that should be okay.
It has been a long time since I've exercised my first-draft-muscles, and perhaps this lull is a momentary rest for my brain.
Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, I'll know who Issa bartered with, and what they wanted with the snow-bear coat. Maybe I'll know if the crow-lady goddess will help, or hinder their travels, or what changes Mica is going to go through now that he's developed a taste for god-flesh...
How is everyone else doing? Do you find it hard to get back into writing first-drafts after spending time editing/polishing a story? How are you other NaNo-participants doing?
It feels a little weird to be working on a first draft again. Like, if you've injured your dominant hand, and have to use the other one for a while. You know all the motions, but the angle and strength are different. You have to think about what you do it instead of just doing it. Everything seems slower and less efficient.
Yup, that's what first-drafting feels like to me, as a pantser.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy writing them, because I get the change to discover new stories, new characters, new worlds. I write to find these things... which is why I get no pleasure from plotting/planning ahead of time.
But it's still difficult.
I still have moments (lots of them in fact) when I get so frustrated with myself for not knowing what happens next... when I'm stuck mid-scene with no idea what the next line of dialogue could be.
Today was full of moments like that. I took a lot of breaks, did laundry, washed dishes, brought in more wood and kindling for the fireplace. I read blogs, checked email... played solitaire on my phone (I may have a slight addiction...).
I barely scraped in 1,700 words. I'm still short by 866 words from being on target, but the word count isn't what's frustrating me.
It's not knowing how the very last scene I wrote connects with that 'lady of crows' scene I wrote a few days ago. I'm not sure if they are separated by a day, or a week of in-novel-time. I don't know if my characters head north, or south, or if they argue and go in two different directions.
So what did I do to raise my word count today by those measly 1,700 words? I went back and fleshed out earlier scenes, ones that were so sparse, they were little more than dialogue and a few transition sentences. I looked for parts I had written earlier than now needed to be changed. For where I automatically typed 'day' when what I meant was 'night'. I gave Mica some of the qualities that drive me crazy in my own dog (the beagle).
Apparently that's part of my process. Write sparsely, then when I open the file the next day, I go back over the previous day's scenes, fill them in, and get myself back into the head-space of the story that way.
Or that's how it should work, normally.
I didn't beat myself up, but I'm disappointed in my progress. I wish I had caught up and surpassed the 8th day word count goal of 13,333 words, especially since I'll be gone this coming weekend and will lose another 2 days of writing time, plus more later this month.
But I also think, maybe I did just need a break today, and that should be okay.
It has been a long time since I've exercised my first-draft-muscles, and perhaps this lull is a momentary rest for my brain.
Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, I'll know who Issa bartered with, and what they wanted with the snow-bear coat. Maybe I'll know if the crow-lady goddess will help, or hinder their travels, or what changes Mica is going to go through now that he's developed a taste for god-flesh...
How is everyone else doing? Do you find it hard to get back into writing first-drafts after spending time editing/polishing a story? How are you other NaNo-participants doing?
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Gods & monsters
I've always been fascinated by the intertwining of gods and monsters in Indigenous cultures. For some, a wolf can be a deadly enemy, for others, a protective totem spirit.
I've never been drawn to human-esque monsters, like zombies, vampires, angels, demons, and things like that, because the impulse is to make them too human. Even with half-animal/human monsters (like werewolves, for example), the focus is usually on the warring sides: human vs beast.
I think I've always been more interested in just the beast.
Which is probably why I keep circling back to characters like the crow-goddess in this particular story. The gods and monsters in Project #5 are nothing like humans. A couple nights ago, I woke up at 2am to send myself this short email reminder: "Gods & monsters exactly the same, just humans give offerings to one, and the other take offerings on their own."
Whether it's a god or a monster is purely from the human's perspective, the gods/monsters stay true to their nature, which (for animals) is totally a survival of the fittest world. They're never concerned about what's right, what's wrong, or what's fair.
For a long time, even as I finished writing BF, sent it to my CP's, took it back, edited/polished it/etc, I have been itching to write this crow goddess, who is a single god, but whose body is made up of an entire flock (or murder) of crows. Even though she's 'a lady', I don't want her to have an ounce of humanity, I want her to be true to her calculative-nature where, if she sees an advantage, she'll attack without mercy.
Here's a rough scene I skipped ahead to write, the gaps are there because I haven't filled in the text in those spots. Yes, my writing completely sucks at this stage and I'm sure it's full of errors :P
I've never been drawn to human-esque monsters, like zombies, vampires, angels, demons, and things like that, because the impulse is to make them too human. Even with half-animal/human monsters (like werewolves, for example), the focus is usually on the warring sides: human vs beast.
I think I've always been more interested in just the beast.
Which is probably why I keep circling back to characters like the crow-goddess in this particular story. The gods and monsters in Project #5 are nothing like humans. A couple nights ago, I woke up at 2am to send myself this short email reminder: "Gods & monsters exactly the same, just humans give offerings to one, and the other take offerings on their own."
Whether it's a god or a monster is purely from the human's perspective, the gods/monsters stay true to their nature, which (for animals) is totally a survival of the fittest world. They're never concerned about what's right, what's wrong, or what's fair.
For a long time, even as I finished writing BF, sent it to my CP's, took it back, edited/polished it/etc, I have been itching to write this crow goddess, who is a single god, but whose body is made up of an entire flock (or murder) of crows. Even though she's 'a lady', I don't want her to have an ounce of humanity, I want her to be true to her calculative-nature where, if she sees an advantage, she'll attack without mercy.
Here's a rough scene I skipped ahead to write, the gaps are there because I haven't filled in the text in those spots. Yes, my writing completely sucks at this stage and I'm sure it's full of errors :P
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
2,500 words added
..1,900 more to catch up.
But I need a break now.
Time to haul the dog to the park for a good run.
Hope everyone else is having a good, productive day of writing :)
...also, I totally gave in and skipped ahead to write part of a scene with the lady of crows... and yes, I was channeling a little Hitchcockian flavour for that meeting ;)
I might post a piece of it tomorrow.
But I need a break now.
Time to haul the dog to the park for a good run.
Hope everyone else is having a good, productive day of writing :)
...also, I totally gave in and skipped ahead to write part of a scene with the lady of crows... and yes, I was channeling a little Hitchcockian flavour for that meeting ;)
I might post a piece of it tomorrow.
NaNo Day 6
Since Alcar asked for an excerpt (sorry, not at the lady of crows part yet), here's a taste of Project #5. This morning I've written about 1,000 words, but I've still got about 4,000 to go for me to catch up. Yesterday I was so exhausted I couldn't even write one sentence and ended up going to bed at 7:15pm, so deliriously tired that I set the alarm an hour earlier than necessary AND left two chicken breasts I had been defrosting in the microwave... in the microwave all night. Yuck!
Be warned, this will be sparse, and probably full of grammar errors and run-on sentences ;) Yup... my usual brand of gloriously problematic first-draft material :) For those of you out of the loop, I'm writing my own Northern fairytale this year, which is kindof a mash-up between Inuit/Eskimo/Siberian/N. European folklore. I've got an extremely rough blurb (which reads more like an outline) on my 'What I'm Writing' page.
Be warned, this will be sparse, and probably full of grammar errors and run-on sentences ;) Yup... my usual brand of gloriously problematic first-draft material :) For those of you out of the loop, I'm writing my own Northern fairytale this year, which is kindof a mash-up between Inuit/Eskimo/Siberian/N. European folklore. I've got an extremely rough blurb (which reads more like an outline) on my 'What I'm Writing' page.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
November can't come soon enough...
Right now, I'm waiting on the last few 'Brake Fluid' readers to send comments back. I hope to finish this next round of changes before November hits and I'm swept up in writing Project #5, the northern fairytale I started last year.
Maybe 'swept up' is downplaying it a bit...
I was actually laughing about this with my husband a few weeks ago when we had our loooooong week of driving.
Writing is something I've always done, on-and-off, since I quit playing the piano and needed a creative outlet, but it's only recently that it feels more like an obsession, a drive, an addiction. I just want more of it all the time.
No matter what else I'm doing, my brain keeps circling back, like a scavenger seeking carrion.
Pleasant description, I know*, but something about it feels dirty... this single-minded-focus that isn't waning with time. 'Cause I can feel it... this itchy, gnawing desire to throw myself into the next story.
...I won't lie, it freaks me out. But I'm a total commitment-phobe, so the sensation of sinking into something so deeply I'm not sure I can breathe... well, 'claustrophobic' might be a good descriptor.
Yeah, there's a reason I've always been scared of writing 1st person POV.
...for those of you who've read 'Brake Fluid' in its entirety...
"There's a point when something too far gone to clean up or save."
And I fear that line could be referring to my sanity...
Selka, the Lady of Crows, is clawing her way out of my head, so November better hurry up and come fast, 'cause I'm not sure how much longer I can last without my next fix.
I want to write her soooooooo bad...
...and does that 'carrion' simile make more sense now?
Please tell me I'm not the only crazy one out there...
*Hey, at least it wasn't another vomit reference!
Maybe 'swept up' is downplaying it a bit...
I was actually laughing about this with my husband a few weeks ago when we had our loooooong week of driving.
Writing is something I've always done, on-and-off, since I quit playing the piano and needed a creative outlet, but it's only recently that it feels more like an obsession, a drive, an addiction. I just want more of it all the time.
No matter what else I'm doing, my brain keeps circling back, like a scavenger seeking carrion.
Pleasant description, I know*, but something about it feels dirty... this single-minded-focus that isn't waning with time. 'Cause I can feel it... this itchy, gnawing desire to throw myself into the next story.
...I won't lie, it freaks me out. But I'm a total commitment-phobe, so the sensation of sinking into something so deeply I'm not sure I can breathe... well, 'claustrophobic' might be a good descriptor.
Yeah, there's a reason I've always been scared of writing 1st person POV.
...for those of you who've read 'Brake Fluid' in its entirety...
"There's a point when something too far gone to clean up or save."
And I fear that line could be referring to my sanity...
Selka, the Lady of Crows, is clawing her way out of my head, so November better hurry up and come fast, 'cause I'm not sure how much longer I can last without my next fix.
I want to write her soooooooo bad...
...and does that 'carrion' simile make more sense now?
Please tell me I'm not the only crazy one out there...
*Hey, at least it wasn't another vomit reference!
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
The inevitable encroachment of NaNo...
I'm excited about NaNo this year, for a couple of reasons.
The first being, I really want to finish the northern fairytale I started last year, then quickly abandoned in order to finish 'Brake Fluid'.
Second reason?
Long-time followers (and writing group members) know I have been struggling with some pretty major health issues going on... 9+ years now. Yeah, I pretty much keep all that stuff off my blog 'cause I find myself annoying when I talk/write about it, but I did touch on it briefly before taking a couple weeks off from blogging earlier this year.
Good news on that front: the last couple weeks I've been feeling better than I have in years. Yes, I wrote that correctly. Years.
...and the bad-health-stuff is why I haven't *officially* participated in NaNo since 2006. Sure, every year in November I'm writing, but my depleted energy-stores pretty much guaranteed a big, fat failure if I attempted the entire 50,000 word goal. Usually, I've stuck to a goal of 20-25,000 for the month.
Since I'm nowhere near *all-better*, I'm still not going to pressure myself into completing a full NaNo, but I'm looking forward to not having to worry so much about limits, about not having to weigh and measure my options every day based on how I feel when I wake up. To not having to sleep away half-the-day if I want to be alert enough to get in the car and drive somewhere in the evening. To know I can walk the dog, and do other things in the same day without being exhausted.
It isn't just NaNo I'm excited about... it's the hope of being *me* again.
So if I've been quiet the last few weeks, and probably will be in the coming weeks as well... it's just me testing these new boundaries.
Oh, and if you're also a NaNo participant, feel free to stalk me here.
The first being, I really want to finish the northern fairytale I started last year, then quickly abandoned in order to finish 'Brake Fluid'.
Second reason?
Long-time followers (and writing group members) know I have been struggling with some pretty major health issues going on... 9+ years now. Yeah, I pretty much keep all that stuff off my blog 'cause I find myself annoying when I talk/write about it, but I did touch on it briefly before taking a couple weeks off from blogging earlier this year.
Good news on that front: the last couple weeks I've been feeling better than I have in years. Yes, I wrote that correctly. Years.
...and the bad-health-stuff is why I haven't *officially* participated in NaNo since 2006. Sure, every year in November I'm writing, but my depleted energy-stores pretty much guaranteed a big, fat failure if I attempted the entire 50,000 word goal. Usually, I've stuck to a goal of 20-25,000 for the month.
Since I'm nowhere near *all-better*, I'm still not going to pressure myself into completing a full NaNo, but I'm looking forward to not having to worry so much about limits, about not having to weigh and measure my options every day based on how I feel when I wake up. To not having to sleep away half-the-day if I want to be alert enough to get in the car and drive somewhere in the evening. To know I can walk the dog, and do other things in the same day without being exhausted.
It isn't just NaNo I'm excited about... it's the hope of being *me* again.
So if I've been quiet the last few weeks, and probably will be in the coming weeks as well... it's just me testing these new boundaries.
Oh, and if you're also a NaNo participant, feel free to stalk me here.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Surprises
I'm notoriously bad about remembering things.
So much so that, about a month ago, I wrote a huge, long email describing this awesome character I want to include in 'Project #5' (the northern fairytale), and promptly forgot about it until that person replied to the email a couple days ago. And that character wasn't just a 'throw-away' one, it was going to play a huge part in the story...
Since I don't write notes, those kind of things are common, but I figure any really good idea will hang around in my brain and will come back eventually, when I need it. All the lame ideas will be weeded out/forgotten and replaced by better ideas.
I don't mind this. I don't intend to start writing notes, or planning, or plotting.
Because it's fun being surprised.
As a lesser example of my own forgetfulness, this morning I stumbled onto a line I forgot I wrote.
...and it's probably one of my favourite descriptive lines in 'Brake Fluid'.
I know for a fact it came out exactly like this (first-draft-format), that it's never been edited, and that I'm going to leave it exactly as is.
You may recall I get frustrated by description, but I also love it.
When your brain tangles words on a regular basis, it feels miraculous when a line comes out clearly, precisely, and tangible.
Lines like that one remind me that, even if my skills are still under development, even if grammar rules give me a migraine, that once in a while I can still pull off the right aesthetics in rhythm, wording, and imagery, purely on instinct.
Sure, some of my more carefully crafted (and heavily edited) lines of description may be more memorable, but this one certainly means more to me personally.
Which might be why I forgot about it in the first place.
'Cause I wanted to be surprised by it again. Not just by the line, but by what it means to me.
Do you have any particular lines in your own WIPs that have special meaning, or you're just really happy with the way they turned out? Feel free to post in the comments! I love getting tastes of other people's work!
So much so that, about a month ago, I wrote a huge, long email describing this awesome character I want to include in 'Project #5' (the northern fairytale), and promptly forgot about it until that person replied to the email a couple days ago. And that character wasn't just a 'throw-away' one, it was going to play a huge part in the story...
Since I don't write notes, those kind of things are common, but I figure any really good idea will hang around in my brain and will come back eventually, when I need it. All the lame ideas will be weeded out/forgotten and replaced by better ideas.
I don't mind this. I don't intend to start writing notes, or planning, or plotting.
Because it's fun being surprised.
As a lesser example of my own forgetfulness, this morning I stumbled onto a line I forgot I wrote.
...and it's probably one of my favourite descriptive lines in 'Brake Fluid'.
The leaf-covered ground has been torn up by tire tracks, the deep gouges bleeding clay-red at the center.
I know for a fact it came out exactly like this (first-draft-format), that it's never been edited, and that I'm going to leave it exactly as is.
You may recall I get frustrated by description, but I also love it.
When your brain tangles words on a regular basis, it feels miraculous when a line comes out clearly, precisely, and tangible.
Lines like that one remind me that, even if my skills are still under development, even if grammar rules give me a migraine, that once in a while I can still pull off the right aesthetics in rhythm, wording, and imagery, purely on instinct.
Sure, some of my more carefully crafted (and heavily edited) lines of description may be more memorable, but this one certainly means more to me personally.
Which might be why I forgot about it in the first place.
'Cause I wanted to be surprised by it again. Not just by the line, but by what it means to me.
Do you have any particular lines in your own WIPs that have special meaning, or you're just really happy with the way they turned out? Feel free to post in the comments! I love getting tastes of other people's work!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
My sense of humour needs an overhaul
Yeah, it's shameful to admit, but I have a total soft-spot for play-on-word or pun-related jokes.
I've already cut out (well, toned down) a horribly nerdy wine-pun in 'Brake Fluid'. Seriously, how can you read a name like 'Châteauneuf-du-pape' and NOT want to make a joke?
...anyways, another pun-ish joke has snuck its way into 'Brake Fluid', which I find funny on two different levels:
...I'm sure the first reason it's funny is pretty obvious (misunderstanding the word 'claustrophobic'), but can you guess the second reason I find this funny?
Hint: it's related to the fact the MC's gender is never specified.
Yup, it's a total groaner. My sense of humour needs a good overhaul...
I haven't decided if I will cut it or not. For now, I'll leave it in there 'cause it makes me laugh :)
Oh, and just as I was closing the 'Brake Fluid' file last night, a new character for 'Afraid of the Dark' suddenly popped into my head...
...hmmmm... writing gods is going to be fun :) I'm excited to finish the end of 'Brake Fluid' so I can get back to 'AotD' ...which still needs a new title.
I've already cut out (well, toned down) a horribly nerdy wine-pun in 'Brake Fluid'. Seriously, how can you read a name like 'Châteauneuf-du-pape' and NOT want to make a joke?
...anyways, another pun-ish joke has snuck its way into 'Brake Fluid', which I find funny on two different levels:
Triss says it’s cause I’m afraid of being trapped. Closet-phobia, she calls it, or something like that, which is weird ‘cause I’ve slept in closets before and have been just fine.
...I'm sure the first reason it's funny is pretty obvious (misunderstanding the word 'claustrophobic'), but can you guess the second reason I find this funny?
Hint: it's related to the fact the MC's gender is never specified.
Yup, it's a total groaner. My sense of humour needs a good overhaul...
I haven't decided if I will cut it or not. For now, I'll leave it in there 'cause it makes me laugh :)
Oh, and just as I was closing the 'Brake Fluid' file last night, a new character for 'Afraid of the Dark' suddenly popped into my head...
...hmmmm... writing gods is going to be fun :) I'm excited to finish the end of 'Brake Fluid' so I can get back to 'AotD' ...which still needs a new title.
Friday, February 17, 2012
The wonders of youtube research
For this next scene... I stopped about half a dozen times while I was writing it to look up and watch a number of youtube videos on skinning animals. I also had to look up information on bear weight/size/etc to make the scene play out in a logical manner.
It also occurred to me how amazing we have it as writers with an unlimited research facility available to us with a few clicks on the keyboard.
We live in awesome times.
I know this scene needs to be fleshed out (no pun intended), but my first-drafts usually have too little information rather than too much. It's during the second-draft that I end up with heavy pages of description when I'm trying to fill in what's missing and end up overshooting what's necessary. Third pass is for trimming it down.
It also occurred to me how amazing we have it as writers with an unlimited research facility available to us with a few clicks on the keyboard.
We live in awesome times.
I know this scene needs to be fleshed out (no pun intended), but my first-drafts usually have too little information rather than too much. It's during the second-draft that I end up with heavy pages of description when I'm trying to fill in what's missing and end up overshooting what's necessary. Third pass is for trimming it down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)