Sunday, July 24, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday 8

Happy Sunday all you Six Sentence Sunday participants! Grab your coffee, a danish (or maybe the leftover pizza from yesterday) and dig in!

Thank you especially to you lovely commenters :) ...y'know, I like criticism too, 'cause it pushes me to write better :)

Last time, there was world-building (hope I didn't bore you), sorry, there's a tad more this time, but also the introduction of the third main character!


“Are you watching the dredge-line, or the river?”
Simon glanced at Faith, trying to gauge by the angle of her head what exactly she was looking at, but with her blank expression it was impossible to tell what she was focused on. His eyes followed the river north to where it met the sea and, with a shiver, Simon took a step back from the window and turned to look at his younger brother. Hector was leaning against the open doorframe with both hands shoved deep in the pockets of his rough, brown trousers. In the five days since they had come to work at the glass house, Hector had not once spoken to Faith or even entered her room.

45 comments:

  1. Hmm...An I glimpsing a love triangle in the making? I think so:) I'd love to know what's on Faith's mind.

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  2. Criticism is helpful, but I have none for this snippet. It is very well written.

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  3. I want to know what made him shiver, did he see something or was it Hector behind him? :) Great six.

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  4. I'm with Graylin...what made him shiver? Good 6

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  5. "In the five days since they had come to work at the glass house, Hector had not once spoken to Faith or even entered her room." Great characterization in that sentence! Great six!

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  6. Last line lends itself to intrigue. I'd like to know what made Simon shiver as well - that scene was nicely described - very visual.

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  7. Yes, I too want to know why he shivered.

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  8. Hmm. I wonder why Hector isn't talking. Fascincating six!

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  9. and Just to be different, I want to know why he never spoke to her or entered the room....I look forward to the future interaction of these people

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  10. very interesting. Looking forward to more!

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  11. Interesting dynamic between these characters. Great six!

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  12. I want to know what made him shiver too. Excellent six. Definitely not boring.

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  13. @ everyone who wanted to know about the shiver... I'll give you a hint :) In an earlier snippet, as soon as he saw Faith, he did a ward against drowning.

    Thank you all for visiting! I love being able to recognize most of you ;)

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  14. Oh - I want to know what happens! I am going to check out your work

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  15. There's a haunting quality to this snippet, from 'dredge-line' to the silent visitor. Very intriguing!

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  16. You're building up the tension nicely!

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  17. There is a moody, haunting quality to this piece. Nice.

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  18. I like your voice, it seems very calm and in control.

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  19. No criticism here! You're in control of these sentences, that's for sure.

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  20. Very nice six!! And Thank you for popping over to my blog :)!

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  21. My only constructive criticism would be to lose a "was" or two to make it stronger, though it's plenty strong as is. Hector's an intriguing character. His very silence makes me want to know more, and that they've only been in the glass house for five days - why were they chosen? More, more more...

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  22. last line tells something's afoot...
    Great six, thank you!
    Barb

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  23. You asked for critiquing comments, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it! One thing I might suggest is to leave out the "rough, brown" unless that description is somehow needed for the plot. Honestly, that's all I can come up with.

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  24. Great six! What an intriguing story!

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  25. I definitely want to know more about Hector. Why hasn't he spoken to Faith? Great six!

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  26. Dying to know exactly what lies at the center of Hector and Faith's tension…

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  27. Lot of character relationships being laid out very succinctly. Interesting!

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  28. So what's going on between Hector and Faith? Hmmm...

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  29. Good description of the scene, and I like how you introduced the character. The only change I'd make (and it's nitpicky)would be to remove "what she was focused on" from this sentence (because it seems redundant): Simon glanced at Faith, trying to gauge by the angle of her head what exactly she was looking at, but with her blank expression it was impossible to tell what she was focused on.

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  30. I want to know what Hector's going to do!

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  31. Lot's of implied intrigue in these six. Great job!

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  32. I've not visited this site before, so I'm a bit lost. Don't know the significance of the glass house. But Hector not speaking to Faith forbodes something not right and makes me want to find out what and why. Great six.

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  33. Intriguing six! Definitely could sense tension between all the characters.

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  34. That last line is very intriguing. Definitely makes the reader want to know more!

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  35. Beautifully written with a great use of the description.

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  36. Excellent, as always. I'm intrigued to know more about Hector.

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  37. Love the dynamic you seem to be setting up between these characters. Intriguing.

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  38. More questions and undercurrents of tension and suspense pulling us deeper into the story. Intriguing six!

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  39. Will Hector become a rival? And who is Faith to the brothers? Intriguing, well written six!

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  40. Loved the imagery of the river interspersed with the dynamics between these characters. Keeps one guessing! NICE!

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  41. Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser.

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  42. Ooo I like your six! :) Hector feels distant. Why? Hmm...

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  43. Nice building of tension here, well done! :)

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  44. Ohh, I'm curious about Hector. Nice writing.

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Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)