Originally, this story was titled 'The Glass City', but regrettably there is another book (already published) called 'City of Glass', which is just too darn close for my liking... so I should think up a new title for this soon, rather than continue to call it Project #2.
Last time you had the fairy-tale opening. For this week, here are the next few sentences which introduce two characters within this glass-city-world. It is intentional that Faith's description has the word 'savage' in there, which carries over the description of the world from last week. Also, the idea of being 'lost' is one of the themes of the story :)
In a glass house by the river, Simon slid open the door to Faith’s bedroom. She was in her usual spot on the window-seat, curled into an embroidered cushion as she stared out the window. Her thin limbs were almost lost in the whiteness of her nightgown and her black curls spilled over one shoulder, savage and tangled from sleep.
As his eyes settled on her hair, Simon touched his chest, his throat, his lips. A reflexive ward against drowning, though an incomplete one. He remembered his place just before spitting a wad of saliva onto the tile floor. Instead, he cleared his throat, taking care to keep his voice low and steady. Appropriate, for a servant.
Nice six!
ReplyDeleteNice tension here! Love all the description!
ReplyDeleteOrnately beautiful descriptions here. Thanks for explaining the savage and lost themes, that really adds to it for me.
ReplyDeleteNice, descriptive six. :-)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful description. Thank you
ReplyDeleteThe last line came as a total surprise.
ReplyDeleteGood job with your six. I like the way your writing flows.
ReplyDeleteJoyce
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com
This is intriguing. The last sentence is a surprise. I want to know more about Simon.
ReplyDeleteWell written, very descriptive. I like that he is awarding off drowning - interesting.
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing, the servant aspect was an unexpected and wonderful addition!
ReplyDelete~Xakara
Dawn's Early Light 6SS
Beautiful description! Thank god he didn't spit on the floor!
ReplyDeleteThat last line caught me by surprise! Good job
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting that to be the voice of a servant, perhaps there will be more to them? Nice snippet.
ReplyDelete@ wearegoingonawitchhunt: Definitely more to them :)
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for visiting, and for your comments! Since I'm kinda sick, I am slooooooowly making the rounds on visiting everyone's SSS submissions :)
loved your description :-)
ReplyDeleteLoved this moody scene, ominous yet lyrical. Great six.
ReplyDeleteLovely imagery, especially when describing her hair. :)
ReplyDeleteoh, lovely imagery and I love the emotion you put in here. Great six!
ReplyDeleteGreat visual description - and a real twist with that last line.
ReplyDeleteInteresting six. Nice description of Faith, interesting twist at the end.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is beautiful (think I said that last week too) the description gives substance to the words. For title you might want to think outside the box or the glass city to depict the savage and the lost that you mention are themes.
ReplyDeleteHis use of a ward intrigues me.
ReplyDeleteNice six!
@sassyspeaks:
ReplyDeleteI've gone through about 2 dozen potential titles... and I just can't seem to settle on one that feels *right* to me :)
If you want to read the blurb and suggest something, it's on the 'What I'm Working On' page.
Very evocative description combined with some nice tension. I'm intrigued.
ReplyDeleteYou drew me right into the story. He seems too intelligent to be a mere servant. There's a mystery here I want to solve!
ReplyDeleteI like the visual imagery when her hair spilled savagely, he warded against drowning leading me into thoughts of him drowning in her essence.
ReplyDeleteVery provocative six.
I like the little ritual. I don't know if it's real but it FEELS real. I also love her "savage and tangled" hair.
ReplyDelete