...and thanks again for those who left comments and offered constructive criticism :) Thanks to one commenter, I was able to figure out why one particular sentence has always bugged me, and that was awesome. For those who have something to say, but are concerned about leaving negative remarks in the comments section... feel free to me-mail! Seriously, I want to know :)
Last time, you met Hector, the younger brother, so here's the next six sentences:
Simon’s stomach flipped and grumbled, but Faith had not touched her meal. Rather, she had curled up even tighter, her forehead pressed against the cool glass of the window. Her face was scrunched into a scowl of concentration and Simon stole another backward glance at his brother. The hollows in Hector’s cheeks and the gaunt angles of his narrow ribcage showed clearly through the servant’s uniform. Simon’s stomach twisted again, this time from anxiety, and in desperation, he reached out to Faith.
“Y...your hair is in knots, little princess. Why don’t you let me brush it for you.”
I'm going to be skipping the next couple SSS's as I'm taking off to the family cabin where internet is non-existent and even cell signals are spotty.
Oh, one more thing, I created a tab at the top of this page so you can read from the beginning if you so choose. Grammar is definitely my weakest point, so if you find something, nail me :) ...and I'll thank you ;)
Poor Faith and Hector. Hopefully Simon will help them.
ReplyDeleteHave a great vacation!
Hope you have a great holiday/retreat. This snippet create's lots of questions. (I haven't been here long) but I sure wanted to know why Hector is in servant's clothes.
ReplyDeleteHave a great holiday - and yes Hector does raise many questions. Love the word "schrunch" Perfect snippet
ReplyDeleteI agree, lot of questions with this six. It's well written,intriguing, and makes me want to read more.
ReplyDeleteThis 6 is a great way to make me want more. good job.
ReplyDeleteI'm completely intrigued by what is happening in this story - you can't go to the cabin with no innernets! Have fun though!
ReplyDeleteI love the originality of this story. Simon's distress is oh so clear.
ReplyDeleteYou build up the anxiety really well! Enjoy your holiday break. :)
ReplyDeleteWe'll miss you, but have a great vacation. I love how her hair reflects her mental state here.
ReplyDeleteAnother excellent snippet! Hector intrigues me and I'd love to know more about him. Simon seems overly protective of his brother, and the princess's silence makes me want to know more about her too.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful vacation!
Had to go back and read all the snippets together and I have a much better idea of what's going on. I think. Lots of questions still. Which is a good thing. Want to keep reading. Have a great vacation, but keep writing please!
ReplyDeleteIntriguing, leaving lost of questions about all 3 characters.
ReplyDeleteI love his tentative attempt to connect with her. Lots of drama here. (And a question mark needed after '...brush it for you?')
ReplyDeleteI love this snippet! Your writing flows better and better each week and I cannot wait to read the final product!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds an intriguing story. Well done :-)
ReplyDeleteMuscular description!
ReplyDeleteWow. I love how descriptive that was. Great job!
ReplyDeleteInteresting dynamic between these characters. Great six!
ReplyDeleteAw, I love how much he cares for her. Great job of showing his emotions!
ReplyDeletei really enjoyed your six - have a wonderful vacation!
ReplyDeleteA lot of good character relationships communicated in this six.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a relaxing vacation.
Intriguing situation here, curious to see how the relationships will develop. Enjoy the peaceful time away from the Net. (Re omnivorous deer, my friend in idyllic suburban Marin wrote a mystery called Murder, My Deer about an irate gardener who tried to take out rose-munching deer with claymore mines--oops, human victim.)
ReplyDeleteI'm now seriously concerned over her mental state. Your sixes have done a great job slowly building up to the suggestion that all is not right with her.
ReplyDeleteGreat six! Descriptive and evokes emotion-very nice :)
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your time away from civilization! Nice six, and grammar is my downfall as well. :)
ReplyDeleteNice description in this. Great six. Enjoy your vacation!
ReplyDelete@ Lynne Murray
ReplyDeleteSounds like a book to read :) I suspect I'll have no plants yet by the time I get home, so perhaps I shouldn't worry about setting up a watering system...
@ Pippa Jay
Thanks! ...I debated pre-posting the next 6 because all the built up tension is about to break... but I didn't think that would be fair 'cause I know I won't be able to read everyone else's.