Since writeidea asked to be fed more of this new story, this is for you, Angela, Sarah and everyone else who seemed interested in this oddity ;)
I still don't know the name or gender of the narrator... but I guess that really isn't important yet.
Though it is Thanksgiving, there's not much of a meal here, but it should be enough get your taste-buds screaming... uhm, crying? ...shrivelling up in terror? ...and I swear, I've only eaten ONE of the things Triss does (guess which one) though I've seen other people eat the rest.
I'm tossing in the last few lines of what I wrote previously 'cause I'm sure it's jarring to be thrown into the middle of a scene. For new readers, original snippet is here. If you don't want to go back, the only real pertinent detail is there's a dead body in the truck of Triss' car.
tacos and ice cream - depends what’s on the taco...
ReplyDeleteHalf Dr. Pepper and half cherry coke sounds good - this is the only one that sounds like you
no thanks to the tacos and fries
no thanks to the roast beef and choc sauce
plum sauce or cranberry sauce on salad is good actually
we eat chicken noodle soup - the chunky kind with cheese so why not an egg?
Now the maple syrup with the curry - ick ick ick
Your characters are writing this for you “muscles” it back - good word
You took a little thing like licking her lips and fleshed it out with images and told us rather showed us more of what she is like - and the relationship between her and the narrator - so you’re not friends per se but road or adventure buddies
“Manic” twist of her mouth - oh you are good m’dear, very good
so - what happened to Jackson?
Love it Love it Love it
Heh :)
ReplyDeleteActually, I've eaten strips of roast beef rolled in lettuce with chocolate sauce. Specifically, it was melted raspberry-flavoured chocolate chips ;)
In my mind, the grossest thing I've seen was the person eating plum sauce on salad... 'cause she was eating it with her fingers instead of a fork and kept slurping and sucking on her fingers the entire time without using a napkin... sooooo gross it was disgustingly memorable :)
Honestly, Sue, I still have no idea what happened to Jackson :) I guess you'll have to wait until I find out ;) ...I'm definitely in the passenger's seat when I write... like you said, the characters are the driving force.
I loved that! And I don't usually read posts that long, put that excerpt really pulled me in. It said so much about the type of people these two characters are - and I'm pretty sure it was all "showing not telling"! Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteI've awarded you the Versatile Blogger Award :) If you'd like you can head over to my blog (www.nickhight.blogspot.com) and claim it :)
ReplyDeleteSo, thank you for giving us more but I'm like the baby bird - more is never enough :-)
ReplyDelete'Maybe I should have mentioned that Jackson's not freshly dead'. Awesome.
Here's some applause for the post and those characters and that great prose of yours.
ReplyDeleteCongrats.
Ooh, thanks for feeding me. This is awesome. Can't wait to find out why there is a body in the car. Interesting character dynamics.
ReplyDeleteAnd please tell me you don't eat butter chicken with maple syrup. o_O Just ewww.
@ Rachel
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it ;) i'm still feeling out this new style and new characters :)
@ Nick
Thanks! I'll drop by your blog tomorrow (it's 1134pm local time and I'm bagged)
@ Sarah
...well, I hope I have more to feed you soon... and I promise, no regurgitated worms in the future
@ cleemckenzie
...please don't over-praise my rough draft... I know there's still lots that needs fixing/changing, but I do appreciate the sentiment.
@ writeidea
Heh, wanna hit up an Indian food restaurant and find out? ;)