Sunday, October 16, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday 18

Good morning and welcome back all you SSS participants (and everyone else who drops by). Last week I was on the mainland for Canadian Thanksgiving and my parents' 40th anniversary. I was supposed to be gone this weekend as well for my cousin's baby shower (she's due at the end of the month), but it has been cancelled due to my grandmother's recent passing. So I'm home and won't be participating in SSS next Sunday because of the funeral/etc.

Last time, sorry, you got a heavy load of setting/world-stuff. This week is lighter, I swear:

Two girls, freshly purchased from the factories or dredge-line, still had the sun-blackened skin and shorn hair of the laborer class. Now their ragged tufts were adorned with tiny silver clips and bits of ribbon and their faces had been coated with a fine golden powder.
“It was my fault.”
Simon’s calm voice jolted Hector’s attention away from the girls. The madam’s hand was raised, but had paused in its downward arc, waiting for the rest of Simon’s words before choosing whether to strike again.
Simon raised his eyes, “but no one before us has had much success, otherwise you would not have bought us from the dredge-line.”

23 comments:

  1. Love the description of the girls. Simon's last words sound like they might provoke the madam's ire. Nice 6. :)

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  2. Oh Good for him - I like your “setting world stuff” by the way. It's what makes the story You’ve made the Madam think - excellent.

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  3. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    This is a great six. I really like the description of the girls.

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  4. Great six -- love the descriptions. Your descriptions are a great strength of your writing, so don't be too vicious with the machete. And I, for one, find your honesty refreshing. It gives your praise credibility.

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  5. Really enjoyed this six. Sorry about your sad news.

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  6. Nice work! I'd definitely read on to find out what Simon means by "success", and why the madam is so angry. Good job on the girls' description. Thanks for sharing!

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  7. I'm sorry for your loss, but I really loved your six.

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  8. 'Dredge-line' -- wow. I love the world you're building and I love these characters. (And my sympathies to you and your family.)

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  9. Ooh, great added description from the first time I read this. Now certain things (will) make more sense. Tiny thing: when Simon raises his eyes and looks at the madam, you don't need a comma and 'but' should be capitalized.

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  10. Loved your six. I saw the hand frozen mid-air before striking and recoiled. Great imagery.

    As with others who missed last week, I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  11. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing. My prayers go out to you and your family.

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  12. Great description of the girls and of the madam's pause.

    Sorry about your grandmother's recent passing. My prayers are with you and your family.

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  13. This is a very visual snippet. Well done. Great six!

    I'm sorry about your loss.

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  14. My condolences on your recent loss, but on the brighter side, this was fantastic. :)

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  15. Oh my. Simon sounds like quite the feisty one. Great 6 as always.

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  16. Way to have a great six in spite of everything. Take care.

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  17. I'm very sorry for you loss. But on a brighter note, I really liked your six this week.

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  18. So sorry for your loss. By the way, I tremendously admire your attitude toward writing and your being able read all the SSS snippets every Sun. I wrecked my hands big time trying to do it my first couple of weeks and had to cut back. I like Simon's standing up to the madam. It's risky but realistically he won't get another chance by simply caving in.

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  19. Very nice descriptions. It really creates the scene.

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  20. Wow, so sorry for your loss, what a turbulent weekend you had. Thank you for making time to post a wonderful six sentence sample. I'm totally engaged in this story and it was nice to read a bit more today, great work! ^_^

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  21. Again, sorry for your loss.

    As for the six, there still is a lot of interesting world-building contained in the six along with the character stuff.

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Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)