My nameless, genderless MC was already pretty strange in my first-draft, but I'd have to say that in this stage of edits, I find the weirdness keeps creeping higher every time I make a change.
...and I think all my favourite lines are the ones where the MC is hyper-sensitive about some things, and dumbbell-dense about other things, 'cause I love how lopsided/uneven this character is mentally.
Here's a couple of new/re-written lines from today:
She gives me a wicked grin, but it’s not quite right. She sounds normal, looks normal, but something’s off. I can’t put my finger on it, but the tension in my muscles cranks up another notch, the urge to fight or flee at a rolling, simmering boil.
And my teeth clench, and my lungs clench, and I start to sweat and shiver at the same time. I want to bolt, and hide, and hug her all at the same time, but I can’t, so I slip a twenty out of her wallet and dash inside.
As the dirt falls away, I’m relieved to see that the wounds aren’t as bad as I thought they were, and I feel stupid for panicking, ‘cause it’s not like she was walking and running for hours on frozen asphalt and hobbling over gravel and broken glass. It was only bark-mulch, grass, and the width of one street. It was maybe ten seconds, not four hours. It’s 50 degrees Fahrenheit outside, not below 40, and she was fully clothed. Everything about this is different.
The one thing that’s the same is the shaking.