Brrrrrrr... writing that line gave me the shudders.
But even though the sub-plot is there, lurking unnaturally in the distance like a mushroom cloud of doom, I'm not sure how it's going to play out. There's a scene I haven't yet written... one that happens right after Issa is taken away by the monsters, which will drastically change the relationship between the sisters and Komil. I've bounced a few idea off my writing group, but (like usual) I'm just going to keep writing and see how it plays out.
But before I get into this new scene... I want to ask a question.
Do you guys like reading along as I write my first-drafts? Or do you prefer other kinds of posts?
I'm not sure, 'cause often very few people comment when I do post first-draft material (like when the husband and I were in New York for a week). I am posting these scenes 'cause I'm curious about what you think, what you like, what problems you see, where you'd like more (or less) information, etc. I'm grateful anytime someone points out a place/way I can improve.
Anyways, I'd appreciate your thoughts. Maybe you'd just like to read parts of a different story?
Since it's been about a week, the last bite of Project #5 is here.
I love watching your drafts reshape and form into a finished product - or a more finished product and I’m sorry you having the beginnings of a romantic relationship lol but if that is what your characters are telling you than that is what you must write. Perhaps it’s a test for yourself, one of those challenges, where instead of saying I cannot do this. You do this.
ReplyDeleteI recently challenged myself to write a suspense sort of , story. I think it failed but no one wrote to help me repair it. Never mind I tried it.
I can’t find anything at the moment to critique about this snippet.
whistled for Mica. When he didn’t come, we set off alone under a sky bright with star trails.
Star “trails” I came back to this line again. Either I really like it, which I do. Or something bothers me about it which it might.
It's one of the curses of being a pantser... you have to follow where the current takes you ;)
DeleteBut I do swear it's partially due to my brain trying to kill me ;)
Ah yes, the line I re-wrote about 3 seconds before posting this... hahahahaha... I see what you mean. I love the idea of it, but this is a perfect example of *dyslexic* mistakes. The words are all correct, but there's a flaw in the communication of them.
Which is why I never subject my CP's to first-draft material ;)
I love the world building in this story. And I do enjoy reading along with your first drafts, because writing processes are pretty much fascinating. And ahahahhaha romance! I would love to see where this is going to go. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd about the last line, I agree with Sue. I actually read it the first time as "a bright sky with star trails", and went back and saw that bright was used differently. I think I like the components of it, but something else about it is catching me. I feel like it's the word bright but I can't quite pinpoint why.
Also, I totally love the relationship between the two sisters. Can't wait to see where it goes!
I'd love to see where it goes, too!!
Delete...well, I guess I do know more than you at this point ;)
Yup, glad to see you both pointed that out :) ...and I see you also explained the problem properly... the components are good, but something about it doesn't work. When I am less tired (and therefore less prone to making weird mistakes) I will attempt to sort it out.
...and I also love the sisters' relationship! Sikka seems to be the more mischievous of the pair ;)