Sunday, September 18, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday 14

Another Sunday, another fabulous round of SSS!

(psst. For those who don't know what that is, click the link and read the FAQ if you want to play next week. Sign-ups start Tuesday evenings.)

Well, since everyone was kind enough to vote and tell me which story they wanted, here's the beginning of scene #2, and this time we're switching into Hector's viewpoint (the story alternates between the two brothers, but not every scene).


***
Hector followed Simon down the stairs and into the first lounge. As they approached the door to the salon, he could hear a number of tired, female voices bickering and gossiping. He hung back as Simon knocked on the half-open door, then followed his brother inside.

Amongst the red sofas, ladies were lounging, drinking and picking bite-sized delicacies from painted glass trays carried by small serving girls. Tall and furious, the madam strode over and hit Simon’s face with her open palm.
“What did you do to the girl?”

41 comments:

  1. I've got to know, what did he do? That's a great hook at the end. I sure wouldn't put the story down at that point.

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  2. Talk about describing a setting - and then hitting home with the POV - well done six.

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  3. Great description with this six. I wonder what happened with the girl?

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  4. I agree...great description. But oh my...I feel sorry for Simon! I definitely want more!

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  5. I think I missed the voting thing... ooo the Madam - very nice but I feel I missed something - I liked the word "tired"

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  6. Now I need to know what he did. Love your snippet!

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  7. Great snippet here. You manage tension very well -- I'd certainly HAVE to read on.

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  8. You're six sentences fell at a perfect place. And I won't tell what happens next :}

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  9. Ouch! Love the description, and totally did not see that last line coming!

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  10. Ooh, I want to know what he did! A good six.

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  11. Oh, my! Don't piss her off. Great six!

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  12. "tired, female voices bickering and gossiping" -- nice bit of characterization of the narrator!

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  13. I didn't know it was possible to fit so much in six sentences.

    I also wanted to let you know I've chosen you for The Versatile Blogger Award!!
    If you decide to participate please go to my blog for details!
    http://thebloggergirlz.blogspot.com/2011/09/versatile-blogger-award.html
    You have an amazing blog!

    -Aaron

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  14. Egad! What did he do the the girl? Nice setting the place and great writing. Super six!

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  15. I KNEW the Madam would be interesting! Now what?
    Barb

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  16. Sounds like he has some explaining to do. Great visual imagery.

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  17. Well, what did he do??? need to read more. Loved it great six.

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  18. Okay, you got me. More more more, now now now.

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  19. @ writeidea

    hahaha... took me a second to figure out who you are since you used a different name last time you commented ;) Yup, you better not give away what happens next! ...what do you think? Has the beginning improved (enough) since you last read it?

    @ everyone asking what Simon did...

    ...if you've been following along (or read the SSS tab), he touched her hair which caused, well, a tantrum to say the least...

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  20. My word what a cliff-hanging final sentence. Awesome 6.

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  21. Descriptive setting & and wallop at the end. Nice.

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  22. That drew me right into the scene.

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  23. 'Tall and furious' is fabulous in its simplicity. Terrific six!

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  24. FAB hook! (And I want to go to that gathering!)

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  25. Great description and the smack-then-question tied things up very nicely with tension. Any reader would probably feel compelled to continue going.

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  26. Hmmm. I love how there is so much going on with the girl that we don't know or understand a the moment. Did Simon's action trigger something in her or would any action have brought on this response. Can't wait for more!

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  27. Now this opens up a whole bunch of questions! Great six!

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  28. I want to know what he did to the girl too!

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  29. Great cliffhanger! Loved the tired bickering, gossiping voices.

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  30. Such a vivid scene. Loved the description of the women. Has almost an Alice in Wonderland feel to it. Great work!

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  31. Wow, great ending. The beginning of the scene is nicely done, I could picture it as I read.

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  32. Great description! I want to read more. Felt like I was in that scene. Great six!

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  33. Interesting reaction from the Madam--the girl went from bad to worse, from totally unresponsive to screaming fit when Simon touched her hair. Suspenseful in how the Madam means to use this and how Simon can possibly turn it around. Intriguing six!

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  34. Sounds like somebody is in BIG trouble! And I think he is getting the brunt of it. Poor guy!

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  35. Uh oh. I wonder if he was as shocked as I was--and what did he do to the girl?

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  36. Yikes! Great snippet. Kind of feel sorry for Simon though. :)

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Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)