Saturday, December 10, 2011

Guess the character's age #2

Well, based on the comments, I cleaned up my submission a bit.

Is this better? Is it clearer that the body in the trunk isn't in there the same day Dave & Sam ask for a ride? Does the *crazy is relative* line make more sense now? I got it down to 245 words now.


  1. My guess is 18. Triss sounds fun! :) Cool story and a great hook in the first 245 words!

  2. I'm assuming she's the same age as Triss. Early twenties. 22ish.

  3. I like this version much better—it's fluid and there's no confusion. Great revision! =)

  4. @ Amanda

    thanks for coming back and commenting on the new version :)

    since I'm dyslexic, my first drafts often have really long sentences that are quite confusing, so I really do rely on beta-readers and commenters who are kind enough to slap me and point out where I went wrong :)

  5. It's quite clear now, although I already knew. I guess that's because I've followed the story from the start though. As for your MC, I know the age so won't comment :-)


Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)