Well, based on the comments, I cleaned up my submission a bit.
Is this better? Is it clearer that the body in the trunk isn't in there the same day Dave & Sam ask for a ride? Does the *crazy is relative* line make more sense now? I got it down to 245 words now.
My guess is 18. Triss sounds fun! :) Cool story and a great hook in the first 245 words!ReplyDelete
I'm assuming she's the same age as Triss. Early twenties. 22ish.ReplyDelete
I like this version much better—it's fluid and there's no confusion. Great revision! =)ReplyDelete
thanks for coming back and commenting on the new version :)
since I'm dyslexic, my first drafts often have really long sentences that are quite confusing, so I really do rely on beta-readers and commenters who are kind enough to slap me and point out where I went wrong :)
It's quite clear now, although I already knew. I guess that's because I've followed the story from the start though. As for your MC, I know the age so won't comment :-)ReplyDelete
Satta king Play BazaarReplyDelete
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