Double thanks for those who leave comments, especially those who point out where I've made a poor choices in words or grammar.... c'mon, you know you want to...
So last time, things started to fall apart for our friend Simon. He touched Faith's hair, then when she freaked out, he apologized and... here's the next six:
Simon’s hands were up like a shield. Muscles taut, he shifted back and forth on his feet, fighting the urge to run and the equally strong urge to step closer, to use his hands and his voice to soothe her like he would his brother. But it was soon clear that Faith would not be calmed. As her pale cheeks flushed purple with blood and fury, Simon clamped his hands over his ears and fled. He shoved Hector into the hall and slid the door shut. Almost immediately the noise stopped.
Nice weaving internal and external conflicts in such a tiny snippet! Poor Simon.
ReplyDeleteThis girl sounds like a handful. His emotional conflict his gripping.
ReplyDeleteThat'll teach him. The conflict is intense. Great six!
ReplyDeleteOoo great conflict!! Poor Simon!
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A.
I had to go back and catch up. Love the tone of the story...so dark and brooding.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful writing. Keep going. I love your voice.
ReplyDeleteWell what else could he do in that case? But then it stopped? Carry on - it's flowing as nicely as the river out the window
ReplyDeleteGreat voice, and nice six! :)
ReplyDeleteWow, purple? That's sme temper. Great description.
ReplyDeleteOoh, the silence is scarier than the noise!
ReplyDeleteGreat six - nice conflict!
ReplyDeleteHm... Intriguing... I wonder why he is so emotional about this.
ReplyDeleteGreat conflict. I love it!
ReplyDeleteVery tense and emotional. Good work!
ReplyDeleteVery intense scene!!
ReplyDeleteGreat conflict and a terrific show of his character. I'm finding this story really intriguing.
ReplyDeleteLove the tension and the conflict - great six!
ReplyDeleteLoved the imagery here of purple and her fury! Well done!
ReplyDeleteWow, I think this is one of those times to remember the old saying "keep your hands to yourself". Great writing it flows well. Wonderful six!
ReplyDeleteVery vivid scene. The princess sounds like she has some deep-rooted problems! Intriguing that they were thrown together.
ReplyDeleteI really like the emotion from both characters. I'm really feeling it.
ReplyDeleteTouching her...definitely a bad idea. Curious that he would not know that. Also, I may be identifying with the princess a bit here, but once someone has reacted so strongly to a touch they might be even more freaked by seeing a man standing and shifting from foot as if ready to attack. I felt a certain threat from the body language.
ReplyDeleteThe silence after he left is more eerie than her rage. Great conflict!
ReplyDeletelooks like it might be tough to keep them in a room together. Yeesh. Talk about conflict! A very tense six...great job.
ReplyDeleteHehe, love the "Oh shit!" kind of moment there. Nice!
ReplyDeleteOMG! Poor Simon!
ReplyDeletePoor guy. Sounds like she's got some lungs on her.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I love that she turned purple rather than red. Very intense. Thanks for stopping by my blog, and I'm a fellow campaigner.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was a very rich scene. You make it seem very easy to paint a 1000word picture in 6sentences. The internal/external conflict was blended into one whole substance like the mixture of 2 colors.
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