Originally, this story was titled 'The Glass City', but regrettably there is another book (already published) called 'City of Glass', which is just too darn close for my liking... so I should think up a new title for this soon, rather than continue to call it Project #2.
Last time you had the fairy-tale opening. For this week, here are the next few sentences which introduce two characters within this glass-city-world. It is intentional that Faith's description has the word 'savage' in there, which carries over the description of the world from last week. Also, the idea of being 'lost' is one of the themes of the story :)
In a glass house by the river, Simon slid open the door to Faith’s bedroom. She was in her usual spot on the window-seat, curled into an embroidered cushion as she stared out the window. Her thin limbs were almost lost in the whiteness of her nightgown and her black curls spilled over one shoulder, savage and tangled from sleep.
As his eyes settled on her hair, Simon touched his chest, his throat, his lips. A reflexive ward against drowning, though an incomplete one. He remembered his place just before spitting a wad of saliva onto the tile floor. Instead, he cleared his throat, taking care to keep his voice low and steady. Appropriate, for a servant.
Nice tension here! Love all the description!ReplyDelete
Ornately beautiful descriptions here. Thanks for explaining the savage and lost themes, that really adds to it for me.ReplyDelete
Nice, descriptive six. :-)ReplyDelete
Beautiful description. Thank youReplyDelete
The last line came as a total surprise.ReplyDelete
Good job with your six. I like the way your writing flows.ReplyDelete
This is intriguing. The last sentence is a surprise. I want to know more about Simon.ReplyDelete
Well written, very descriptive. I like that he is awarding off drowning - interesting.ReplyDelete
Very intriguing, the servant aspect was an unexpected and wonderful addition!ReplyDelete
Dawn's Early Light 6SS
Beautiful description! Thank god he didn't spit on the floor!ReplyDelete
That last line caught me by surprise! Good jobReplyDelete
I was not expecting that to be the voice of a servant, perhaps there will be more to them? Nice snippet.ReplyDelete
@ wearegoingonawitchhunt: Definitely more to them :)ReplyDelete
Thanks everyone for visiting, and for your comments! Since I'm kinda sick, I am slooooooowly making the rounds on visiting everyone's SSS submissions :)
loved your description :-)ReplyDelete
Loved this moody scene, ominous yet lyrical. Great six.ReplyDelete
Lovely imagery, especially when describing her hair. :)ReplyDelete
oh, lovely imagery and I love the emotion you put in here. Great six!ReplyDelete
Great visual description - and a real twist with that last line.ReplyDelete
Interesting six. Nice description of Faith, interesting twist at the end.ReplyDelete
Your writing is beautiful (think I said that last week too) the description gives substance to the words. For title you might want to think outside the box or the glass city to depict the savage and the lost that you mention are themes.ReplyDelete
His use of a ward intrigues me.ReplyDelete
I've gone through about 2 dozen potential titles... and I just can't seem to settle on one that feels *right* to me :)
If you want to read the blurb and suggest something, it's on the 'What I'm Working On' page.
Very evocative description combined with some nice tension. I'm intrigued.ReplyDelete
You drew me right into the story. He seems too intelligent to be a mere servant. There's a mystery here I want to solve!ReplyDelete
I like the visual imagery when her hair spilled savagely, he warded against drowning leading me into thoughts of him drowning in her essence.ReplyDelete
Very provocative six.
I like the little ritual. I don't know if it's real but it FEELS real. I also love her "savage and tangled" hair.ReplyDelete