I'll just type something quick (also random and nonsensical) since my flash fiction piece on Sunday is going to be the third part of my Troll Hunter sort-of-serial.
* * *
It was just after lunch when the monkeys attacked. They struck hard and fast, slashing our tires with their swords and denting our hoods with their hammers. Why did we give them weapons again?
Our women fought back ferociously, releasing a barrage of lime-stuffed coconuts from their giant slings.
The men went in search of the ancient rubber tree grove.
Us children stayed aside, discussing how bored we were and how nothing exciting ever happened in the jungle.
It was just after lunch when the monkeys attacked. I don’t know why I was so surprised—if you wave a bunch of food around in the middle of the jungle, eventually some alpha is going to take notice. I guess I just hadn’t prepared for the possibility that it wasn’t going to be a human one, this time. The monkeys swung down from the tree canopies, dropping toward me and my sister on all four limbs. They leapt from tree to tree, crisscrossing between each other and weaving down the forest’s layers in a chaotic blend of carefully organized movements. They were so fast that we couldn’t prepare ourselves before they hit. They darted between our legs, up our shoulders, tugged on our hair and ripped food from our hands. Their screeches were high and painful, but I couldn’t cover my ears because then I couldn’t defend myself from the monkeys. I looked at my sister, and she was covered in even more monkeys than me. She hadn’t let go of the food she had been packing into her bag, and the monkeys were grabbing at her hands, trying to get it free. I tried to help her, but I tripped over a monkey who was racing under my feet and landed on my elbows in the wet soil. Kat calmly walked out of the trees, swinging a large stick over my sister’s head like a lasso. The monkeys scattered away from my sister, screeching and yelling. I kept swiping the creatures off me as they tore at my pockets. “Give them your food,” Kat commanded me. I threw what was left in my pockets as far as I could from our little gap in the forest. The monkeys chased after the bag of fruit, leaving us alone except the flicks of their tails disappearing between the trees. “Are you okay?” Kat asked. I nodded, wiping a small smear of blood off my arm. “Well,” she said. “I think you definitely owe me now.”
Very well done. It could have been even more tense if there was less use of past perfect and instances of "was" in all of its forms. But don't get me wrong, it read nicely despite.
Hey Patrick, thanks for pointing that out! Whenever I start writing again after a break, I have massive tense problems, so thank you for noting that! I'll watch out for it!
I'll just type something quick (also random and nonsensical) since my flash fiction piece on Sunday is going to be the third part of my Troll Hunter sort-of-serial.
ReplyDelete* * *
It was just after lunch when the monkeys attacked. They struck hard and fast, slashing our tires with their swords and denting our hoods with their hammers. Why did we give them weapons again?
Our women fought back ferociously, releasing a barrage of lime-stuffed coconuts from their giant slings.
The men went in search of the ancient rubber tree grove.
Us children stayed aside, discussing how bored we were and how nothing exciting ever happened in the jungle.
I like it :D
DeleteInteresting, but if the humans have tires/hoods (cars? -> so modern technology) then why are they fighting back with giant slings -> low tech?
DeleteThe last line was funny :P
It's totally nonsensical, quite intentionally. Also, what else could you fire coconuts with?
Delete...a refurbished potato gun?
DeleteHAHAH!! I don't think I could just write a flash piece with that - it might take an entire novel. Amazing.
ReplyDeleteYou're perfectly welcome to do so ;)
DeleteHahaha, I definitely can't resist monkeys!
ReplyDeleteIt was just after lunch when the monkeys attacked. I don’t know why I was so surprised—if you wave a bunch of food around in the middle of the jungle, eventually some alpha is going to take notice. I guess I just hadn’t prepared for the possibility that it wasn’t going to be a human one, this time.
The monkeys swung down from the tree canopies, dropping toward me and my sister on all four limbs. They leapt from tree to tree, crisscrossing between each other and weaving down the forest’s layers in a chaotic blend of carefully organized movements. They were so fast that we couldn’t prepare ourselves before they hit.
They darted between our legs, up our shoulders, tugged on our hair and ripped food from our hands. Their screeches were high and painful, but I couldn’t cover my ears because then I couldn’t defend myself from the monkeys.
I looked at my sister, and she was covered in even more monkeys than me. She hadn’t let go of the food she had been packing into her bag, and the monkeys were grabbing at her hands, trying to get it free. I tried to help her, but I tripped over a monkey who was racing under my feet and landed on my elbows in the wet soil.
Kat calmly walked out of the trees, swinging a large stick over my sister’s head like a lasso. The monkeys scattered away from my sister, screeching and yelling. I kept swiping the creatures off me as they tore at my pockets.
“Give them your food,” Kat commanded me.
I threw what was left in my pockets as far as I could from our little gap in the forest. The monkeys chased after the bag of fruit, leaving us alone except the flicks of their tails disappearing between the trees.
“Are you okay?” Kat asked.
I nodded, wiping a small smear of blood off my arm.
“Well,” she said. “I think you definitely owe me now.”
Very well done. It could have been even more tense if there was less use of past perfect and instances of "was" in all of its forms. But don't get me wrong, it read nicely despite.
DeleteHey Patrick, thanks for pointing that out! Whenever I start writing again after a break, I have massive tense problems, so thank you for noting that! I'll watch out for it!
DeleteHahaha! Love it!
Delete...though would it be strange to say I wanted to know what kind of food much earlier? it's only at the very end we find out it's a bag of fruit.
The face-plant in the mud... total comic gold :D
Thanks for playing with monkeys (and humouring me by posting!)
Well, like you said, no one can resist monkeys. Least of all me.
DeleteAnd finally came up with one.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, Alcar... so funny!
DeleteI really DO need a swooning couch, just in case ;)