Sunday, July 22, 2012

Hooks & Hangers - edited

One of the best parts of being on vacation is the ability to sit and do nothing, and by that, I'm talking about the usual distractions and responsibilities that exist at home.

On vacation, I relax, but I always get a ton of writing/editing done. Sure, it may look like I'm just playing around on my computer for hours on end, and I admit... some of the time is spent reading online comics and catching up on blogs... but I love writing on vacation.

I only left yesterday morning, and already I've added approximately 2,000 words to 'Brake Fluid' and re-cut all the chapters so they're a little shorter. Since all the hard work is done, and  'cause it doesn't take a lot of extra effort on my part, I thought I'd post them for those who are curious to see how the book-breakdown is changing.

Keep in mind, these are still fluid because, editing-wise, I'm only in the middle of chapter 10, but I'm happier with the way these are cut now. Hopefully you agree these hooks/hangers are a little better ;)

Chapter 1

It’s easy to forget that crazy is relative.

Always trust the driver, that’s the first unspoken rule of riding shotgun.

Chapter 2

Three more exits and we’re off the interstate and ready to snarf some fast-food tacos.

She makes me wanna die.

Chapter 3

Weapons of mass destruction, that’s what Jackson called us.

‘To mom, congrats on being one year older than dead’.

Chapter 4

At the red light, Triss rolls to an almost-stop, flicks on the left-turn signal, then pulls out without checking for oncoming traffic.

They clinked glasses, though his was empty.

Chapter 5

When we reach her mom’s house, Triss starts to swing into the driveway, then thinks better of it, pulls a u-turn, and parks across the street.

That’s the second unwritten rule of riding shotgun.

Chapter 6

Right now I’m really feeling the cold, which means I’ve lost.

I suppose it’s only ‘cause I was with Triss, and she could get away with murder.

Chapter 7

Five minutes after we leave her mom’s house, Triss pulls into the Walmart parking lot and throws her purse at me.

I should have changed the song.

Chapter 8

In retrospect, I think Jackson chose Spence as batter just so he could watch Triss at work.

So I left Kate in a heap and didn’t look back.

Chapter 9

I’m standing in the brightly-lit bathroom of Triss’ dad’s condo, slowly building up my courage.

"I trust you.”

Chapter 10

By the time my clothes are in the dryer, I’m sitting on Triss’ bed, and there’s a half-empty bottle of red wine on the nightstand.

I’m not positive, but I think Triss is back to normal.

Chapter 11

When my stomach is full, Triss hands me a multivitamin and watches critically as I swallow it dry.

For once, for the first time ever in my entire history of riding shotgun with Triss, there’s no music playing.

Chapter 12

I remember the suffocating moment of dead silence before Jackson blew up.

We head east into the middle of dead-ass-nowhere.

Chapter 13

Spence was still locked in Jackson’s bedroom with the key.

After all, it was just a butter-knife.

Chapter 14

“It was a home-run.”

A very small party.

Chapter 15

The two of us sit in the coffee shop, not moving, not touching and not talking until my coffee is cold and sludgy.

“Oh shit,” I say, and drop the phone without erasing it.

Chapter 16

As Spence disappeared down the hall to find Kate, Triss hopped off the counter and crossed the kitchen towards me.

He liked being the dealer.

Chapter 17

“Ah, damn it!” I wrap both hands around my knee and press hard, which I’ve always thought is a weird natural reaction.

That it was really his fault for getting dead.

Chapter 18

I’m finally getting myself back under control.

I would have run right then, even though it was too late, ‘cause things had already gone horribly wrong.

Chapter 19

Triss’ mouth is still pressed against my forehead when her phone buzzes.

Then she laughs like she’s just gone crazy.

Chapter 20

“What do you mean, other players?”

Whatever expression my face showed in that moment, it hurt her, it hurt her so terribly that she didn’t come to my rescue and speak.

Chapter 21

An hour plus of walking only takes a few minutes in the car, and soon we’re rolling down main street at what seems to be a terrifying speed.

I knew that bastard was cheating.

Chapter 22

I kick aside a rusted-out Coors Light beer can before stepping out of the beast.

And that’s when it hit me that we were in real, serious, freaking trouble.

Chapter 23

My hands are stuffed in my pockets and my arms are locked against my sides.

Which is absolutely the worst thing to do when you’re riding shotgun.

Chapter 24

Back at the car, Triss unlocks the trunk and we look at each other.

Sorry, still not posting the last line ;)

14 comments:

  1. Have I mentioned how much I want to read this book? Because I do times a thousand. Also, I tagged you in my blog: http://tlbodine.blogspot.com/2012/07/be-inspired-meme.html

    Go forth and be, um, inspired.

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    1. Haha, okay, I'll try to check that out tomorrow :)

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  2. This is an awesome way to outline!

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    1. I agree, it almost does look like an outline!

      It was a fun blogfest to be a part of, made me look at my openings/closings more critically, especially after reading other people's hooks & hangers

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  3. You've got some amazing lines here! Love them. It's hard to choose from all of them considering you've listed so many, but some of my fave ending lines are:

    She makes me wanna die.

    They clinked glasses, though his was empty.

    We head east into the middle of dead-ass-nowhere.

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    1. Thank you :)

      That first one is a song reference ;) 'Makes me Wanna Die' by Tricky. There are different mixes of the song, one I love... some are way too slow ;)

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  4. very well done. I'm dying to know what happens.

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    1. Thanks prerna! I'm glad I finally have the first draft written 'cause I also wanted to know what happened!

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  5. Haha. This one is SO good:

    ‘To mom, congrats on being one year older than dead’.

    Has me totally curious :)

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    1. One of my favourite lines in the whole story :D Makes me laugh every time ;)

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  6. It is nice that writing doesn't seem like work. :)

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    1. Nope :) But then again, it's not like it's my day job. Perhaps if it was my *job* it would be different. As for now, it's always thoroughly enjoyable, both writing and editing :)

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  7. Love how you broke it down for us. It's great to read the hooker and the hangers together like this! My interest is totally piqued! I really want to know about your wip!

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    1. Thanks :) Yeah, I'm really glad I discovered the blogfest and was able to participate. It was a fabulous idea!

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Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)