Monday, July 16, 2012

Hooks & Hangers Blogfest: Hooks!

So, according to the rules of the Hooks & Hangers Blogfest, today's the day to post my hooks.

I'm choosing to post from 'Brake Fluid, Blood & Body Bags', a YA Contemporary/Murder which hops between three timelines. For the newbies who followed the blogfest link here, if you're curious, you can check out my 'What I'm Writing' page. This story is listed as Project #4.

Since I have only just completed my first draft, and always end up adding a lot of words during the first editing pass, my hooks and hangers will probably change as I continue to refine this story.

And, true to (lazy) form, I prepared this post and the hangers post the day I signed up for the blogfest, and don't plan on updating these two posts even if editing has changed the content since.

Chapter 1

It’s easy to forget that crazy is relative.


Chapter 2

It wasn’t our fault, not really, like flicking a lit cigarette from a car window doesn’t always cause a forest fire that rips down the coast and burns up a kajillion dollars worth of rich-white-real-estate.


Chapter 3

What Jackson didn’t know is that I was the one who swiped his bedroom key at the party.


Chapter 4

When we reach her mom’s house, Triss starts to swing into the driveway, then thinks better of it, pulls a u-turn, and parks across the street.


Chapter 5

A single white light turns the corner followed by the whining putter of a scooter engine.


Chapter 6

“I’m tired,” Triss says.


Chapter 7

I’m standing in the brightly-lit bathroom of Triss’ dad’s condo, slowly building up my courage.


Chapter 8

I think Triss’ body heat is catching.


Chapter 9 (holy run-on-sentence Batman! This needs to be cut in two)

After we clean the breakfast dishes, Triss and I pile into the beast where it takes twenty minutes of swearing, coaxing, pleading, before I finally have to get out and give the beast a push-start, then she sputters a burning-oil-gasp out her tailpipe and the engine turns over.


Chapter 10

That night, after Jackson stomped down the stairs, Triss held out her hand to Spence.


Chapter 11

Through the cracked windshield, I can see Triss talking fast with an old man.


Chapter 12

As Triss and I sit in the tiny coffee shop, I wonder how things would be different if I had stayed with Kate that night.


Chapter 13

As Spence disappeared down the hall to find Kate, Triss hopped off the counter and crossed the kitchen towards me.


Chapter 14

With her foot off the gas, the beast slows in the time it takes Triss to reach over the gearbox and lightly run her fingers over the brand-new tear in my jeans.


Chapter 15

Triss touches my face and I finally lift my eyes to hers.


Chapter 16

His voice cuts through the line, “I want to talk to my daughter.”


Chapter 17

There’s about a dozen red, plastic gas tanks piled up next to rotting cardboard, broken pallets, and a small dumpster.



Chapter 18

The road through the park is long and quiet, with miles of giant trees that shut out any hint of melted sunlight.



Chapter 19

The lake is difficult to pick our way around.

74 comments:

  1. That first opening line is excellent as it causes a 'what?' moment, as do some of the others. That said, there's not a bad line amongst them.

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  2. Oh dear you said chapter and verse I didn’t that is not a run on sentence it is a good sentence I love long sentences

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    1. Being dyslexic, run-on-sentences are pretty much expected in any of my first drafts ;)

      ...and here I thought you'd comment on #7!!! Since it's the start of one of my favourite scenes in the whole story! ...the infamous *shower-scene*

      bwahahahaha

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    2. Fooled you. But it's not my fav. And I love long sentences. I am training myself to write them

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    3. Haha, yup you did fool me :)

      I don't mind long sentences, IF they're well written, which is why I want to cut that one in half, 'cause it's not well written, it's convoluted.

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  3. Your very first line is very true and funny. Nice!

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  4. I really enjoyed those, definitely hooked me.

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    1. Thanks, prerna, thought since I'm sure to add more words, there's no way to be sure these lines will remain hooks/hangers.

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  5. Wow! Excellent voice! You are really good at hookers :)

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    1. Thanks, Hope! ...writing a genderless character is... taxing on the brain, so I'm glad you like him/her :)

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  6. Really liked your chapter one! Grabbed me right away!

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  7. Ha! These are great. I'm particularly loving #1! That line is perfect--- and so true!

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    1. It certainly seems to be the favourite, mine is still #7, but that's probably 'cause I have insider-knowledge ;)

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  8. Great voice and love the first one. Also have to say: GREAT TITLE! Want to know more (now following you).

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    1. Thanks ;) I wrote the title before I had any idea what the story is about.

      I'm a irrecoverable pantser ;)

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  9. Great hooks, especially the first one! I loved weaving through them, each one drawing me into the story just a tad and then leaving the rest to my imagination. ;D

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    1. Thanks, Elle :) Let's hope my hangers don't disappoint ;)

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  10. Very cool :) Loved most of those. I'm very hooked :)

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  11. I love where this sounds like it's going (did that makes sense?). They're great hooks!

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    1. I think that made sense, but don't ask me, I'm running on about 2 hours of sleep right now.

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  12. Oh man, these are ALL so great!! #2 is awesome. And the run on sentence is wonderful too. I was so intrigued I had to go over and read the description to see if it was one I'd read a query or first 250 for and I have. Also your extra goal that you are trying to accomplish with this book is fantastic. I hope you can pull it off because that would be amazing.

    Can't wait for your hangers!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Jenny

      ...though that run-on sentence is just too much for me. I will have to cut it for sure.

      ...and I REALLY hope I can pull it off too! I think a hard, thorough editing pass will do wonders :)

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  13. I love #18. Truly, I feel like I'm there. Nice job. Looking forward to your hangers!

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  14. deep first lines. makes you think and want to know what's going on!

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  15. The voice in this is great. And you're right. Crazy is relative :)

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    1. It certainly is, especially when you throw *family* into the mix ;)

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  16. These are all really great. The first 2 are my faves.

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  17. These are great! I think the first one and Ch 18 are my favorites! Well done!

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    1. Thanks, Kimberly (my sister has the same name, same spelling!)

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  18. Great hookers. This one stood out for me - hooking and painting a picture: "It wasn’t our fault, not really, like flicking a lit cigarette from a car window doesn’t always cause a forest fire that rips down the coast and burns up a kajillion dollars worth of rich-white-real-estate."

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    1. Thank you, that's one of my favourites too, not only for the image, but for the complete and total avoidance of taking responsibility for the whole dead body thing ;)

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  19. Such great hook lines... the first one grabs me right away, and I love how the car is referred to as beast...

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    1. Thanks, and it IS a beast ;) a 15-20 year old yellow Volvo, all rusted out and barely working. I learned to drive stick on an old Volvo, and I can tell ya, those things are tanks.

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  20. Wow, I'm glad I hopped on over. These are great! I loved following along with the story!

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  21. I love that some of you are putting most of the chapters. I can really kind of follow the story. Really enjoyed yours:)

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    1. I liked finding people who posted them all too :)

      ...now if only mine had had some semblance of editing as well...

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  22. I really like the flicking cigarette and causing a forest fire. For a bunch of reasons. They were all great, but I think I liked that one most :) Thanks for sharing!

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  23. I love all of them! The voice is great, and I really like the flow of your writing. The first one is my favorite :)

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    1. That certainly seems to be the most popular one, and I think the only one I've tinkered with the wording. Well, actually, this was the original wording, but I had changed it at one point, then went back again.

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  24. Really good, all of them! Well done! I also love the voice. This sounds like a really good read. I have a character named Jackson in my WiP, too. :)

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    1. Thank you, Amy!

      ...I hope your Jackson didn't also get whacked in the head with a baseball bat and shove in a trunk ;)

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  25. So many good ones, how could I choose just one!? Love the humor, so maybe the flicked cigarette.

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  26. Wow, awesome voice, and I love the first one! Number 16 has such a powerful unexplained backstory to it that I REALLY want to know.

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  27. These are great - I don't know that I can choose a favourite, but these one had a big impact for me:

    His voice cuts through the line, “I want to talk to my daughter.”

    The road through the park is long and quiet, with miles of giant trees that shut out any hint of melted sunlight.

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    1. Funny, I was going to change that bit of description in the second one ;) Well, the 'melted sunlight' part. It doesn't feel 100% *right* for the voice of the character, even though the line is pretty :)

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  28. Your first line is fantastic. Immediately this is a story I want to read.

    2 is also a great line, and I liked the image of "melted sunlight" in 18, but I liked them all!

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  29. Excellent hookers, very intriguing.

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  30. Enjoyed reading through your hooks, but I think the first one is the best.

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  31. These are all great, but #1 is my favorite. :)

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  32. Sounds like this story is on the way! These are good hooks, even the long ones. Sometimes, it just has to be that way, you know?!!

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    1. Yup. I don't have a problem with long sentences... as long as they're written well. Since I'm dyslexic, I tend to get very convoluted run-on sentences in my first draft, which don't make anyone happy, even if there are good aspects hidden within.

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  33. I liked the first one as well; also the second one, because I'm rather fond of quirky metaphors or similes, and I like how the flicking cigarette escalates into a million-dollar wildfire. :)

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    1. Quirky is my forte ;) Well, that and vomit references ;)

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  34. I loved the bedroom key line. That was wonderful. I'm through commenting on blogs with that dreaded word scramble stuff. Takes way too much time and I'm human so tempus fugits or something like that!

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    1. Hahahaha, I hear you ;)

      I dont' understand why people have that turned on... if you get spam, you can easily delete it. All it does is discourage legitimate people from commenting on your posts...

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  35. Chapters 1 and 12 really grab me.

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Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)