Monday, December 15, 2014

Query Blog Hop 2.0

Well, I had some great comments on the blurb/query for my in-progress YA Magical Realism story, so this morning I tapped out some changes.

Here's the updated version... it's a little long at the moment, but hopefully the stakes are a little clearer :)

I plan to re-visit the other blogs in this blog-hop to check out their updated versions.

Dear Agent

Already famous at seventeen, Jason (Jay) Walker is an artist obsessed with light, but unlike the Impressionist painter, Monet, Jay would rather capture the reflective ripple of scar tissue instead of a sunrise over water.

Too bad he’s been in an artistic dry period since his hot girlfriend turned cold. Jay’s been left with an unfinished painting, no model, and a tight deadline for a competition that, if he wins, guarantees a fat scholarship to Ă‰cole des Beaux-Arts in France.

He’s got a plan though. Twice a week he ditches class to meet Kell in the cemetery that separates their two schools. Through an odd game of trading scars, and a little administrative blackmail, he convinces a very unwilling Kell to be his next model.

Jay only wanted to capture light reflecting off her torn surface, but after he starts working, he can’t help but want to paint it all, every layer down to the depths of her soul. But soon, Kell starts changing. With every session his work gets better, and she becomes colder, her eyes duller, and her wild emotions flatline.

And he realizes the same thing happened when he painted his ex-girlfriend.

Jay is sure to win another award for his new work, but this time is different. This time, he knows it’s happening, and this time, it’s Kell. Somehow her emotions are being absorbed into his painting and he’s not sure if he’s willing to sacrifice her for a scholarship, cash prize, and press write-up. 

What’s worse, he’s not sure if he can give up painting, his entire identity, on the slim chance it might save her.

SCARLIGHT is a WIP YA Magical Realism based off the old superstition that a photo can steal a piece of your soul.


  1. WOW, this sounds so freaking good! If you ever need a beta reader I would be more than happy to read this. Hope you get some helpful critiques from other people because I'm pretty useless :)

    1. Still only about 35,000 words into the story, but if you're serious, let me know when I finish the first draft :)

  2. Hmmm. I think I'd personally change:
    What’s worse, he’s not sure if he can give up painting, his entire identity, on the slim chance it might save her.
    and get rid of 'his entire identity' since, well, everyone has more than one facet to them and unless you're going for a very strict YA market no one really believes that? Or at least I'd rather if that was more implicit than explicit, but that's me :)

    1. Yeah, it's still rough, but I did want to somehow get across how important that is to him... that his self-image is tied to his fame. It's not just like giving up a hobby, it's a little like giving up who he is.

      'Cause, y'know, I'm mean like that ;)


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