Monday, October 24, 2011

Another nibble

Well, it's Monday morning and I'm home again. Hope everyone's weekend went well :) a welcome back, here's another taste (continued from last time) which is the start of a new scene.

...and you might be able to tell, my *fall-back-names* always end up starting with a 'J'.  It's just one of those weird things where I throw in a placeholder name and figure it out later, so they'll definitely be changed the next time I run through and edit/continue writing. At least I changed 'Mercy', which was originally 'Jamie' and specifically forced myself not to use 'James and Jessica' (Spence & Fay fell into place).

Yeah, weird, I know. If anyone wants to name one of these throw-away characters, call dibs and tell me in the comments.


Weapons of mass destruction, that’s what Jackson called us. Well, he really only meant Triss, but since I’m like her shadow, I get included too. Maybe I’m the protective casing, the parts that don’t explode and make it safe to carry around.

Like the beast, which is barreling down the road at 50 mph with no power steering and mushy brakes, Triss is unstoppable when she gets going. No one steps in her way, not even me. Like the pulled pin of a grenade, you know the moment when there’s no going back and all you can do is duck, cover and pray your ass doesn’t get blown off when everything goes boom.
It started with shots of Jose, flipping quarters and casual bets. 
How long ‘till Jordan tried to feel up Mercy? Would he wait ‘till she was trashed, or go in while she was still loose and laughing hard? Triss called it when he got greedy and Mercy kicked him in the nuts. 
Could Jace make it through a mickey of Silent Sam, or would he be hurling half-way through? Money changed hands when he got three quarters of it down. Another crumpled twenty went in Triss’ pocket when Jace didn’t make it to the sink and yakked in an ugly potted fern.
Jackson cracked Triss’ jaw when she called the long-shot hook-up of Spence ‘n Fay, and they wound up doing it on Jackson’s bed, which really pissed him off. He didn’t hit her ‘cause his sheets got soiled or ‘cause she won. Triss had swiped the key to his bedroom and handed it over to Spence, thus making the hook-up a hell of a lot closer to a sure-thing. 
Jackson was mad as hell that she’d cheated.
After his gut got stitched up, Jackson handed over five crisp hundred dollar bills and the butter-knife. Said he wouldn’t be able to enjoy his morning toast if it got mixed in with the other cutlery. Her war trophy, he called it, with a strange look in his eye. It wasn’t anger, it wasn’t lust, it wasn’t fear. I know those looks. This was something savage. Hunger, maybe.
Every party after that, the bets came a little faster and the stakes got a little higher. Triss wanted money, Jackson wanted Triss. She won too much for it to be called luck, but he got her a few times. A kiss, a touch, but nothing big and he never pushed for more than was on the table. It didn’t bother me. Like I said, we aren’t like that. Sure, she stuck her tongue in his mouth, but she did that to me the first time we met. I know it didn’t mean anything, not with him, and not with me. Things didn’t get to her, not the good stuff and not the bad. She was too cold, too solid, too relentless. It’s just the way Triss is. Was.
Maybe I don’t know anymore.
But Jackson kept touching his side long after the cut had healed and the stitches had melted away. And he looked at her. Always her.

And what are you guys writing? Anything fun/new? Working your way through revisions? Polishing? What stories and characters are running amuck through your brains right now? Anyone thinking of doing NaNo?


  1. Why does my heart break a little for Triss? I love the line 'after his gut got stitched up'. A beautiful example of show not tell.

  2. NaNo not for me - too much structure. Started on line course on "dialogue" Hopefully will be an opportunity to work on both devil and the kids. Devil has to be totally edited. the kids will have chap one done soon - also working on my presentation. and tonight is bloggy night. Just back from acupunture so feel nice and loosey goosey :D

  3. Just read this over again. You’ve got a bit of psycho going on here, centred on triss. And I feel the narrator is female. Why is the MC with Triss? What does she/he get out of the deal. Can’t call it a relationship. Jackson, we know is dead. I’m not sure it was an accident as you hinted at earlier.

  4. That was a seriously good "nibble". Thanks for sharing. Here are some names to try and see if any fit:

    And I'm still working on the same to YA works, one in rewrite the other in first draft. Also have some work to go getting ready for NaNoWriMo.

  5. @ Sarah

    ...good, I thought I was the only one who felt a little sorry for Triss :D

    @ Sue

    ...but who's the psycho? Jackson or the MC? They're equally focused on Triss... I'm thinking there's a blurry line here...

    @ Angela

    I'll take 'Kyle', then ;) Any preferences on which of these throw-away characters gets that name?

  6. Om nom nom. Nice little bite. It gives a great background feel for the characters and Triss' relationship with Jackson.

    Yeah, NaNo. Signed up, but we'll see whether I actually manage to write anything this year.

  7. @ writeidea

    well, since I'm not home Nov 11-14 and Nov 23-Dec 3, why don't the two of us make a valiant attempt together? That leaves me 18 days for writing ;)

    ...2,778 words/day...

    Let's see how far we get and when I leave on the 23rd, you'll have another solid week of writing to beat whatever my word count ended up as...

    I still need a new name for Triss... thought about Cass for 1/2 second, then figured you'd smack me over the head ;)

  8. I am so excited to see where this is going! Looking forward to NaNo--it's so hard to wait until the first to write!

  9. @ Yvie

    I'm looking forward to the rush of NaNo too since it's been a few years since I've been able to participate. It's such a fun exercise to play with new characters/worlds/plots and not worry about if it's any good or not... you can just have fun and figure out what's worth keeping and what's worth dumping in December ;)

  10. Yep, Cass is not allowed. Nor is Tavi. Just saying. However, it might be funny if you call her Nikolai. No wait, wrong gender. That won't work either.

  11. @ writeidea

    Heh, I know, I would never do that :)

    there have been enough funny coincidences... 'Zeth' & 'Seth', 'Simon' & 'Simone'

    ...and it's a similar thing with 'Triss'... someone mentioned to me that the heroine in 'Divergent' is named 'Tris', though I think the root of that name was 'Beatrice', whereas, 'Triss' came from a shortened version of 'Tristan' (a nice gender-neutral name), but it's still too similar for my liking.

  12. heh. 'Zeth' was based on me wanting to Americanize (name-wise) Seth since naming that one character Seth seemed to much of a 'hi! Here is an Evil Demon Name' to me. I pretty much do the same method you do for names, though it gets me into trouble with last names.

    I once named an MC for a project Kate and then her last name as Holmes. I'd known people with it and likes the 'home' idea aspect of it. Then realized it would be confused with the wife of Time Cruise. I believe I did the same thing with a different character in the same project, so now I come up with names and google them to make sure I didn't accidentally pick someone famous.

  13. @ alcar

    ha, I didn't know *Seth* was a demon name :) I think, in my story, it came from the comedian Seth Grobbin (not sure if I spelled that last name correctly) 'cause the husband and I watch a ton of comedy :)

    ah, Googling names, that's a smart way to go. I usually don't bother with last names. Actually, I think Triss (from Project #4) is the ONLY character I've ever decided on a full name (first, middle, last).


Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)