I've been completely offline since my last post, except for a couple email-checks on my phone.
As ridiculous as it sounds, I've been absolutely terrified to log on and re-read my last post.
...and read any responses to it...
'cause the rational ride of my brain is still screaming at me to take it down. That it isn't professional. That, by posting it, I look like a crazy whiner who's rambling away about things no one cares about. Interestingly, I lost 3 followers.
But so much more important then that... was you guys who commented. Who wished me well. Who, instead of knocking me down, built me up.
Thank you, for your kind words.
One of the major downsides of always being 'the bigger person' and never showing when I'm hurt/vulnerable, is that I rarely get comfort/support from those around me.
So, really, thank you. I read them, and re-read them like 6 times before starting to type this post, and I will probably re-read them again several times.
...as for my update on the list I was making?
1) Stop taking the muscle relaxants/anti-inflamatories... I lasted until the afternoon and had to go back on them 'cause my back was seizing up and it was hard to breathe. So, a big fail on that one.
EDIT: to clarify, because of the decompression treatments, the scar tissue on my rib cage breaking down, and the weak muscles around my spine, the muscles relaxants/anti-inflammatories aren't for pain, they are for preventing any repeated *spasms* during healing/strengthening of the weak muscles, like my last ferry trip, which ended up causing more damage. I only have to take them for another few days as I have been diligent with keeping up with the necessary exercises at home to help stretch the ligaments, and strengthen the appropriate muscles. I just didn't like them 'cause they give me brain-fog :)
2) I'm reading "Shape of Water", by Anne Spollen
3) Haven't written anything yet... but I am slowly working through a MS critique for someone. Also, nagging edit-possibilities for "Brake Fluid" have been miring around in the dark corners of my brain.
4) Victoria Film Festival: I've been to 9 movies so far, I'll go to 2 tonight, 3 or 4 on Saturday (probably only 3), and 3 on Sunday.
The festival has been awesome. Just what I needed... to fill my brain with new stimuli. So many amazing movies that are giving me all kinds of crazy ideas.
5) The selfish thing... not there yet :)
One other thing I've been avoiding... but the deadline is closing fast. Next Thursday (Feb. 14th), I'm *moving* to Vancouver for a while. Not sure how long yet...
...'cause the biggest hit I've taken lately, the one that blindsided me on January 03, was my husband came back from Victoria and told me he wants to separate/divorce. We've known each other since Grade 10/high-school. This June would be our 10 year anniversary. We've been together more than 1/2 our lives.
And this news, completely out of the blue, was absolutely devastating.
...which is why I didn't reply to comments from my Jan 03 post until the 9th. The two posts that went up after that were pre-set up to go, and it took me until the 12th to even get my head together enough to write a new post.
For now, we're doing the trial separation thing. Him in Victoria, in the witch's hut. Me in Vancouver, in the condo, with the pets.
...and yes, I do find it ironic that I'm officially separating on Valentines Day.
So, I'm slowly getting my head on straight. Thanks for your patience, and again, thank you so very much for your heartfelt words & support.
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend full of sunshine, smiles, and happy thoughts :)