Friday, January 27, 2012

My brain is trying to kill me

So, I seriously think my brain is trying to kill me.

Here's how it begins:

First, I happily confirm to myself that, "I can't do < x >, and that's perfectly okay!"

Then, my sneaky brain gets to work. It pokes and prods and teases. It holds up a shiny new idea and waves it around until I'm thoroughly distracted from whatever I'm currently doing.

...and that shiny new idea always seems to include whatever I had just happily accepted that I couldn't do. Somehow my brain finds the perfect bait, it points to the teeniest loophole it has found and says, "Y'know that < x > thing you said you couldn't do? Well, c'mon, looky here... can't resist now, can ya? I know you wanna give it a try..."

So, a year and a half ago, Project #1 got torn apart (rightly so) by my writing group. I said to myself, "Well, that's the only story idea I had, I guess I can't be a writer, and that's perfectly okay!"

...then I start getting harassed by thoughts/images/scenes from Project #2. My evil brain was keeping me awake until I was nearly insane. Isn't that considered some kind of torture? Sleep depravation? Don't cults use that to bewilder their new recruits? It hasn't water-boarded me yet, but I don't want to take that chance...

I might need a good lawyer to sue for emotional and psychological damages.

So, Project #2 got written, but while it was out with beta-readers this past August, I said to myself, "Well, I guess I can't write 1st person, oh well, that's perfectly okay!"

...and my dastardly brain began to pester me with another story... one where the main character was mute. MUTE! So the only possible way to tell his story was (you guessed it) in 1st person!!

So I thought, "Well, okay, a small child's perspective is pretty tame and he's sort of innocent/calm, the same kind of slow-stories I normally write. I still can't write a tension-filled first-person voice with, like, murder and stuff."

Groan... do you see where this is going? So, Project #4... and just to throw in an extra monkey-wrench, the character is freaking genderless. Really brain? Really? What have I done to make you hate me so much?

So why am I talking about my murderous brain?

Oh my goodness... there might actually be a semi-normal boy/girl relationship in Project #5!

I swear I haven't been replaced by a dopple-ganger, it's only my brain trying to kill me.

I'm not a romantic, either in real life, or in my writing.

This has been, like, my kryptonite for as long as I have ever been writing. I have never remotely been interested in, or considered writing, a story with romantic sub-plots. I often joke that my attempting to do so might be one of the signs of the coming apocalypse (hey, it is 2012).

I was writing a scene and I suddenly stopped and went, "Oh crap..." 'cause there it was, a romantic relationship on the horizon, like when you've already stepped off the curb and your centre of gravity is pulling you down... and then you notice the puddle under your feet... the moment it's too late to avoid it.

Do you have any idea how disturbing this revelation was?!?! I could almost hear the diabolical laughter ringing through my synapses as my brain chortled with glee.

I swear, after this point, I will never say, "I can't do < x >, and that's okay!" ever again 'cause I know that's like feeding a straight-line to my evil, evil brain and it will then mercilessly plot against me.

Seriously, anyone know a good lawyer?

...and you do know I'm totally joking, right? Truly, I think I just enjoy making things difficult on myself. Stubbornness, plain and simple. I hate giving up.

Does your brain try to kill you in nefarious ways? Ever hopped on board to try something you never thought you would do, either in writing or real life? What's the craziest thing you've ever tried?


  1. Let me know if you find that lawyer. Sounds like he'd make a killing on writers alone.

    Love Calvin and Hobbes, btw.

    1. You'll be first on my list ;)

      I love Calvin & Hobbes too. An online comic with a really similar *flavour* is Ozy & Millie. Check it out:

  2. The craziest thing I ever did was go gliding. It's an aeroplane with no engine, how the hell can that be right?

    I was like you with the romance thing. The few I tried all ended up with one person killing the other. The first one I ever wrote that was even semi-passable - well, you've read it :-)

    1. Oh my goodness, I've always wanted to go gliding! At my family cabin, during the summer, there are always gliders sailing up high in the mountains over the lake... I've been craning my neck ever since I was a tiny kid wishing I could do that...

      how was it?

      Hahahahahahah... okay, I've totally killed my share of *love interests* too ;) Mainly 'cause I just couldn't stand the thought of writing any kind of romance.

  3. Ah, your brain sounds like a mad genius. Has you trying all these wonderful new things outside of the "box-yourself-in-with-can'ts". And as the characters continue talking, the voices murmur to be heard, who knows where it will take you :-)

    1. ...either that, or it's like that bully kid on the playground who is using my hand to smack my forehead and is saying, "why are you hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself?"

      Seriously, though, I am the kind of person who just doesn't know how to give up :) That whole, single-minded-no-good-at-multi-tasking kind of personality. Throw the ball and I'll chase it right into traffic.

  4. I'm exhausted for you after all that. :) Just remember to stop thinking you can't do something and don't listen to anyone else. IF you keep trying and work hard you can do whatver you want!!

  5. I guess you should stop saying ' I can't' and say 'I will' to make it seem like you had some say in the matter. But it's awesome that you're pushing yourself, it makes you a stronger writer. And BTW, I don't know if you got my e-mail address already, but it's prernapickett at

    1. You are totally, 100% correct :) The best way to fire me up about something is to tell me I can't do it... then I'll do anything in my power to prove you wrong ;)

      I think it's easy to give up, to accept the excuse. Life is so short, I'd rather throw myself up against the walls until they break, or I do. I don't want to look back and regret I didn't stand back up and go just one more round.

      And yes, I'm totally mixing metaphors :p I'm tired and have been sick all week, so forgive me?

  6. I've had a lot of years to do crazy stuff and I have. I've learned that to some extent I can do anything I put my mind to...maybe - except balance my cheque book. Too many years working with numbers and now I hate them.

    1. Ha! I took an accounting class in high school and I'm freaking dyslexic ;) talk about setting yourself up for failure ;) Well okay, I did actually pass... and I did help a few people on their tests so they also passed... but transposing numbers, well, that'll getcha fired in the real world :)

      So what's the craziest thing you've ever done?


Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)