Saturday, June 2, 2012

35,000 words

Chapter 13 ends with:

And we all ran like fucking rabbits while Jackson died alone on the linoleum floor.

Chapter 14 starts with:

The beast is stalled dead in the middle of ass-up-nowhere while French lyrics I can’t understand are pouring through the speakers with a maddeningly upbeat tempo.

...what do you think... am I managing to keep the *voice* of this character consistent?

...though I think that last sentence might be missing some punctuation... grammar check, anyone?


  1. Looks good. It's a great voice. I love that closing sentence.

    1. Thanks :)

      it's fun to write in a voice that's so unlike my own :)

  2. yes, good keeping with the voice. Long first sentence but I'm not sure where I'd want to insert punctuation. There is a rhythm to it...

    1. Yeah, there's a rhythm... but it still feels like it's too hard to read the first time, so it needs a few road signs (punctuation)... I'll probably end up re-writing it when I'm at the editing stage :)

  3. How about fuckin’
    grammar seems fine
    I'm here but trying to write this thing as fast as I can

    1. Sadly, in re-working other chapters, that line is now mid-way through chapter 14.

      Chapter 13 now ends with:

      Even if there were no cars lining the driveway and street, like there usually were for one of Jackson’s parties, I should have known something was wrong when he opened the door that night.

      ...and yes, it's too long a sentence which I will eventually rectify ;)


Type me out a line of Shakespeare or a line of nonsense. Dumb-blonde-jokes & Irish jokes will make me laugh myself silly :)